


Heart of a Heartless boy

by Shadowspeaker



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Original Character(s), Out of Character Peter, Pan's Backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowspeaker/pseuds/Shadowspeaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pan knows Neverland is missing something. When the blue Fairy points Pan in the direction of a young girl named Ella he gets more than he bargained for. The story of a boy who was not as heartless as everyone thinks</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the loss of her brother Ella is in a state of disarray left with her now broken family, She wishes for the chance to evade growing up. She may just get what she wishes for after the arrival of the mysterious Peter Pan

**Chapter 1: Not an Angel**

Eleanor’s body shook again as she sobbed into her pillow. A gas light on her wall flickered and she was thankful it was not brighter, as her teary eyes already stung. It was quiet so very quiet. If her heart ached before when her brother Edwin coughed relentlessly, night after night, it was nothing compared to now. It had been a month since he grew sicker and illness took him. As if the horror wasn’t enough her parents made it all the worse. At the death of her brother her mother had retreated into herself, her blue eyes staring blankly into the distance, all the life from her seeming to have been drained. Eleanor thought it only a matter of time before she refused to leave the bed altogether. Her father was worse, he raged about now, perhaps not as explosively as he did in the beginning, now only bitter and wounded. She rubs the scar inside her hand. She had gotten that cleaning up the carnage of her father’s rage. It became a routine now: He destroyed the house and Eleanor would put it back together. When he was gone, at work in the city, Eleanor stayed and worked to clean the house and feed her and her mother. She prepared dinner and set the table and made sure her mother was dressed and present went her father arrived. He would come with the smell of liquor on him and Eleanor would keep her mouth fixed shut most of the time, just waiting until it was over and she could clear the table and they would all go their separate ways.

            Tonight she just hadn’t been able to manage. Her mother had been unruly in the night and Eleanor stayed up with her stroking her hair calmingly until the sun had risen and her father had left. The cleaning that day had been so very slow and so very hard. She stumbled through the day as best she could and even kept upright at the dinner table. But she stumbled when she was clearing the table and broke all the plates she had been carrying. He father stormed in from the living area, where he had either been reading or drinking, and preceded to yell at her whilst also making her clean up her mess. His biting words still rang in her ears: _“Useless is what you are and all you’ll ever be! Why couldn’t god have taken you instead of my boy?”_ Eleanor wiped away the new wave of tears. Sometimes she wondered much the same. But as she pondered it she realized that even though losing Edwin had been tragic, the was still a world full of little boys and girls being brought up and that for them the world must go on. But her parents couldn’t seem to understand that. What is it, Eleanor wondered, that made adults so very blind? Was it part of growing up? That being so extremely engulfed in the everyday routine of life and the problems accompanying it that they just forget about the rest of the world and opportunity? If so she hoped that it never had to happen to her. She would rather just never grow up at all…

            She didn’t remember going to sleep, but she sat up now wiping the sand from her eyes as she did so. It was the middle of the night but she had left the gas light on, as she turned to extinguish it, she noticed the figure standing above Edwin’s bed. She inhaled sharply and stared at the boy. He was tall and lean with green and brown clothes made from different types of fabric. He looked very pale in the light of her room. But none of that caught her attention like his shadow. The thing was dancing around of its own accord seemingly unattached to the boy whenever he ceased moving. She barley registered the boy talking to himself.

“Makes no sense… should have come sooner…” He started pacing and his shadow returned to normal. Oddly Eleanor wasn’t afraid of him but she felt like she needed to say something.

“He died a month ago.” She said because the way he was circling Edwin’s bed it was as if he were waiting for her brother to reappear. He snapped around to look at her as if he didn’t know she was there. He seemed dumfounded by her words.

“How?” He asked shaking his head.

“Illness.” Eleanor managed to choke out. Speaking of Edwin still made her throat tighten. The news seemed to be particularly depressing for they boy as well.

“I’m sorry.” He sounded sorry, though Eleanor didn’t think it was for her. He started to pace again mumbling, “But the child, the child should have been…” he stopped and turned to look directly at Eleanor. “Here” he finished.

            There was a pause in which neither of them moved. The stillness seemed to allow his shadow its freedom and again it started to dance. The quiet made Eleanor uneasy and thinking of nothing better she said, “Your shadow has a mind of its own.” She didn’t know why it wasn’t more of a question; it seemed quite possible, it was happening right before her very eyes. And yet many would have still been unable to believe.

But not Eleanor.

            The boy smiled at her, genuinely. “Yes” he said. “I’m afraid it gets a little restless being trapped down all the time. Sometimes he gets away and it’s a nightmare to recapture. Wrecks havoc on the world he will.” He said with mock grief, and it made Eleanor giggle. The tension was ebbing away as if the dancing shadow and mysterious boy were normal.

            “I’m Eleanor by the way.” Eleanor said. Seeing the boys face scrunch in distaste she laughed and added. “Call me Ella if you like.”

            The boy smiled and extended a hand. “I’m Peter, Peter Pan.”

“Like the plays and the book?” Ella asked. But Peter shook his head.

“Nothing like, I’m afraid. But I am the original and source of those stories. How old are you Ella?” The question caught Ella off guard for it was very strange.

“Thirteen years.” She said, still somewhat bewildered.

“Excellent! Do you believe in magic Ella?” He asked with a sly smirk, stepping backward toward the window of Ella’s room. She followed nodding.

“I do, I believe in a great many things. Been told it was my best trait even.” She said absently remembering her mother’s complement from many months ago.

“Excellent!” He said again, “My homeland, Neverland, it’s full of magic. And kids never have to grow up, and we can be free. Will you come with me?” He backed up until he was standing on the sill of her window and he held his hand an open hand toward Ella.

            Ella opened up her mouth, then closed it and bit her lip. Her mother she knew would hardly register her absence, she had died with Edwin and Ella knew that. Her father wouldn’t care either, he thought her useless and wished her gone. Perhaps it was a wish she could grant. Never grow up, isn’t that what she had wished for? Ella believed in many things but coincidence wasn’t one of them.

“Are you an Angel?” She asked bluntly and that boy laughed and shook his head.

“Never met an Angel before but I am magic.” He said with a shrug.

“I don’t understand.” Ella said with a furrowed brow, “How could you know I needed you? Why did you come here?”

He seemed a bit shocked at that question, but answered all the same, “I was looking for destiny, and a very powerful fairy pointed me in the right direction. May I take that as a yes?” He stretched out his hand again. Ella nodded to him but ran to her beside and hastily put on her brothers old boots. Who could possibly go adventuring without boots? She hopped up on the sill next to Peter before taking his hand.

“What now?” she asked.

Peter smiled at sideways, it was quite the mischievous look and it made Ella somewhat uneasy. “Now we test your beliefs,” he said. And with that he jumped out the window pulling Ella along with him. For a moment Ella’s stomach dropped as they started to fall and she very much hoped she had made the right decision in believing Peter Pan.


	2. Powerful Believer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Pan's disbelief and awe, Ella Finds her own way to Neverland

**Chapter 2: Powerful Believer**

            Pan had to give it to this girl; She barely flinched as he launched them of the edge of her window, three stories up. She really believed him, that he had magic. Her hands were small and cold within his own, but she had a powerful grip! And she kept it until he floated them to a stop on the ground. She let go releasing a giggle of mirth into the night. She jumped up and down as if she couldn’t believe she was still alive. But no that wasn’t it, she never doubted for a second that they were really going to hit the ground, she’s only marveling in the proof. Her laughter was the sound people are supposed to make when a dream comes true. Pan had to admit it was a beautiful sound. He watched her sit down on the cobbled street. There was a smile on her round face and her unkempt wavy brown hair fell into her eyes. Her white nightgown was a bright spot against the night and with the black boots she had grab she looked utterly ridiculous. They fit alright but they clearly weren’t her own. Pan realized must have been her brothers.

            She looked up at him with a hand on each of her cheeks. She extended a hand to him, silently asking for his help in standing. He pulled her to her feet.

“Now what?” She asked for the second time in as many minutes.

Pan quirked an eyebrow at her, “Well, I’m curious. As to how much you can see, that is. Follow me.”

            There was field he knew of where the stars could be seen clearly. When they got to the middle of the field Pan gestured to Ella to stop. It was a warm night but still almost pitch black. Pan’s voice was a whisper as calm and soft as the summer night. Ella involuntarily shivered.

            “Neverland is a very secluded land. Time passes different there, and us kids never have to grow up and become blinded to the world around us, never have to do anything we don’t want to and never have to go unloved or unwanted ever again. From this realm, the gateway to Neverland is a star, do you see it?” Ella turned her gaze skyward and searched the skies, slow and methodic so as not to miss anything. Pan saw her eyes widen and suppressed a smile. Reul Ghorm did not lead him astray; this girl was a powerful believer.

“Its beautiful.” Ella whispered.

            Ella stared in wonder at the gateway to Neverland. The star had a swirling light around it that was a mixture of every color she could have imagined, and it looked like liquid fire billowing around that blue center that was the star.

“How do we get to Neverland?” She asked not taking her gaze away from the star. Behind her Pan lifted himself of the ground hovering in midair. He had expected her to reach out to him so they could fly on through the gate, but instead she reached out her fingers toward the gate. Her gaze was almost longing and she held out one single delicate hand as if the star would fall into her palm.

            But then something happened. Something Pan had never seen before, something even Peter Pan might have failed to believe had he not seen it with his own eyes. A bright strand of blue light broke away from the gate and fell in slow spirals until it was bobbing inches from Ella’s outstretched hand. She followed the motions of the strange ribbon of light with her hand not touching it yet, only it seemed, checking if it was real. She stilled her hand and the light connected with her palm. Immediately the blue light started wrap around her until she was completely covered from head to toe in a pulsing blue cocoon. Then the light started retract with Ella still being pulled along. Pan flew after her but the light was moving much faster than he could fly. Ella disappeared through the gateway and Pan followed close behind. He teleported himself to the ground and sent the shadow to look for Ella. As he searched the skies the smile never left his face.

 

* * *

 

Ella felt the light around her like warm air: light, soft, and calming. As she went through the gate she felt the light starting to peel away from her. At first she thought she was falling which would have been a problem but looking down she saw that the light had stretched out and curved into a slide. Ella laughed again and the wind snapped her hair around her face. She was so focused of the world around her and on the light beneath her she didn’t even register that her slide ended a good twenty feet above the ground.

That is, until started to fall.

Ella sucked in a breath, closed her eyes and braced herself. But her fall slowed as arms fitted themselves under her arms and knees. Opening her eyes she saw and smoky black figure with blazing purple eyes. She reached out a hand toward its face but her fingers didn’t make contact with anything. Almost like… a shadow! She shook her head smiling to herself. Things were surly going to be different here. The shadow set her down in front of Peter, who was looking at her as if she were a puzzle that needed solving.

“I’ve never seen anyone come to Neverland like that before.” He said thoughtfully.

“Never? Well that’s suiting isn’t it? For Neverland.” She laughed at her own sorry joke because that hardly mattered right now. She spun around taking in as much as she could before getting dizzy and having to steady herself on a tree. To Peter she said, “I’ve never seen anything this beautiful.”

He smirked at her, “Wait till you see the rest of the island. Come on I think you better meet the boys.”

“What boys?”

“The lost boys.”


	3. Welcome to Neverland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella mets the lost boys and they welcome her to Neverland

**Chapter 3: Welcome To Neverland.**

            Peter lead her to the campsite and Ella was surprised at how many boys there were. Or rather she was surprised at how many girls there weren’t. Unlike Pan who wore fitted green clothes, the boys were all dressed in raggedy brown clothes under thick brown cloaks. The Boys were running around in every direction, playing games and sparring with wooden sticks. It was utter chaos, appealing chaos, but when Peter led them over they all grew still and quiet. They all looked at Ella with unconcealed surprise. She squirmed a little at the scrutiny and considered stepping behind Peter. She steadied herself; She would have to face them all sooner or later. Peter couldn’t fight her battles for her, even though she believed he would protect her.

“Boys.” Peter said taking another step forward. The way the boys received him and the ease with which he spoke radiated authority, “Meet Ella. I know that I haven’t brought a girl back in a very long time. Most of you here do not even remember, but believe me when I say she is one of us.  Tonight we will hold a celebration in her honor and I will tell you her story.” He glanced back at Ella and maybe she held her head up a little to high, because he added with a small smirk, “Make her feel welcome.”

Ella found his speech to be a little short, especially since she realized she was the only girl among them. But all the boys moved at once and she realized Pan’s word was enough for them. The music began to play again and many came up to introduce themselves to Ella. When the first boy held his hand out toward her she tried shaking his hand and he gave her a curious gaze. Peter walked by and removed her palm from the boys’ hand and placed it on his arm instead. Her cheeks burned even though there was really no reason for her to be embarrassed. Still it felt like she had been chastised by Peter Pan and she felt excluded from the whole working of Neverland, especially as the only girl. She felt like an outsider. Of course, there was no way she could have known they way things were done here. After the first boy Ella dutifully clasped arms with all of the lost boys and tried to learn their names. Ella was good with names but taking them all at once was a bit overwhelming. After all the introductions had been made some of the boys returned to their dancing.

            She was left standing with three other boys and Peter, two who simply referred to themselves as The Twins and another whose name was Felix. Peter jerked a chin at the twins and they looked up at him, “I assume our new arrival would like something to wear other than her night dress.” He said. Ella looked down at herself; she had quite forgotten what she was wearing. One of the two Twin’s said, “The Blue Fairy leaves this sundown, should I go to her and ask for some dresses for her.” At this he inclined a head toward Ella. Peter had been about to reply in the affirmative, but Ella cut him off.

“I’ve worn dresses my whole life. I’d rather wear what you’re all wearing, if that’s quite all right.” She tried to say it casually but in truth she really did not want another dress, and especially did not want to part with Edwin’s boots. _What a silly childish thing to do,_ part of her brain thought. But then, did that matter when you never had to grow up?

Peter nodded and gave the Twins some instructions on where Ella would stay and what she would wear and told them to show her around Neverland. Ella straightened up at that she could not wait to be let free in this magnificent place. The Twin’s led Ella away and she followed them excitedly.

 

Pan looked at Ella and the Twins subsiding into the distance. The girl still perplexed him because she was both so extraordinarily plain and so extraordinarily unique. He turned to Felix.

“Go to the Blue Fairy and request a vial of pixie dust.” He said calmly but still in a softer tone than he normally used. This was important. Felix new that too and he cast a sharp gaze onto Pan.

“You are sure?” His voice was full of skepticism, and Pan couldn’t say that he didn’t understand. He glanced again in the direction Ella had left and simply nodded once more. Felix looked somewhat dubious still as he left for the part of the island where the Blue Fairy stayed in Neverland. Pan weighted the possibility that The Blue Fairy had led him astray but he’s known of her. She was completely committed to doing what she thought was good and right in the world. Pan scoffed at the idea. Intentions mean nothing when looking at the consequences. Pan actually held much distain when dealing with the fairies but as of right now they had peaceful arrangements, and that would work until the day it didn’t. Maybe that’s how it would be with Ella too. He was just going to have to find out what happened. The thought was oddly appealing.

* * *

The boys gathered again after sunset. Pan sat by the fire with his flute on his knee and his head bobbing to the music. The drum was beating and the boys jumped around in time with it, some with a wooden stick in each hand adding sharp clacks into the music. All of them circled around the large fire that now lit up the night. Pan caught sight of Ella and was satisfied with her appearance. She wore fitted green pans that disappeared into her brother’s ankle boots. A brown lost boy shirt was tied at her waist and fell on her mid-thigh. A sheer jungle green scarf was looped around her neck. Pan wondered vaguely where they had found that. She sat with the Twins and Felix around the fire off to Pan’s left.

The boys still openly showed their interest in Ella, though none of them voiced the question they all wanted answered: Why is she here? Pan’s word seemed to be enough to ebb the flow of questions, but there was very little to be done to quench a child’s curiosity. Pan stood up, _Time for a show._

“Listen!” He said above the thrum of the drum. The boys turned all attention toward him, excitement on their features in the face of the new story. “We celebrate to night for our new arrival.” A few whoops came from the boys and Pan gave a half smile before continuing. “We all came here because we were not given a life we deserved. We came here because people who were supposed to love us couldn’t even understand how unique we are. Because we believed in what everyone said to be tales. And here we are. Doing the _impossible_.” Pan packed as much irony into the word as he could. The boys laughed and hollered and Pan smiled looking down. “We all have our reasons. But no one has ever come to Neverland without my assistance; no one’s belief has ever been so strong so fast to travel between the realms. Not until this night.” There was quite now and all the boys turned to look at Ella, and Ella’s face was searching Pan’s for an answer as to what she had done. He continued, “Some of you saw the gateway to Neverland. Ella saw it too. And she reached out to it. And it reached out to her. And she became the first person ever to come to Neverland by my invitation, who didn’t need my assistance. Who didn’t use any kind of magical assistance.” The boys stared at Ella in a new way now, as if she were about to radiate some kind of magic that turned everything to gold. She squirmed under the attention. She looked around at all of the faces just a little panicked. “Ella,” She focused on him instead. “Welcome to Neverland.” The boys jumped to their feet and the music started up again, Ella smiled and her shoulders fell in a relieved manor. The celebration had just begun and tonight, Ella felt that there was much to celebrate.


	4. Around the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan explains that finding Ella was no coincidence

**Chapter 4: Around the Fire**

            Ella loved the sound of the music. The way the drum thrummed and fire crackled and the wood the Lost Boys carried snapped, soon had her on her feet. She skipped to stay in time with all the taller boys around her. She spun a circle every once and a while and twisted her arms in time with the music. Peter stood and started play his flute. He stood so close to the fire, Ella almost feared he would catch fire. Almost. The new slow enticing sound made Ella want to dance even more, made her want to get lost in the sway. She took a step forward out of the boy’s circle and began a new dance to her own beat. Her arms were stretched out, one up and one down and she stepped in timed circles with the music. The music made her want to sing. She let a few notes float into the air and the boys looked around at this new development. She vocalized with the music carrying out low long notes that stretched up into higher sounds. All the while she never stopped dancing.

The boys protested when Ella finally stopped singing and sat down on outside of their everlasting circle of dance. She wanted to kept going but just couldn’t bring herself to it. She was comforted by the fact that every night could be like; this is she wanted it to be. She looked behind her where the forest awaited her, it was pitch black and she was barely able to outline anything, even by the light of the fire. She stared into the blackness that contained all the secrets of Neverland.

“Afraid of the dark?” A voice asked from behind her. She turned and saw Peter coming over to her. She moved over so that they could share the log she was sitting and shook her head.

“Never been afraid of the dark.” She said, looking back into the dark, “Everyone else is afraid of it because it contains the unknown. For me it always just made me curious as to what secrets the dark conceals. Its an adventure, a taunting one.” She looked back at Peter, “Does that make sense?”

He nodded at her, “That’s not how most people would see it.” He mused.

Ella laughed lightly. “No, I think you’ve made it apparent that I am different.”

“That’s not such a bad thing to be,” he said in mock defense.

“I know,” she said. “But it would be nice to know why.”

Pan fell silent at that and Ella looked at him searching his face. He wasn’t telling her something and she felt slightly offended because she put trust in him and he wasn’t returning the favor. She considered whether or not he would tell if she asked and decided it was worth a shot.

“You know why, don’t you?” She said and fixed her gaze in the fire. For some reason she felt like whatever he would say in response to the question wasn’t going to be good. She wasn’t afraid to fall to her death before, wasn’t afraid to fly before, wasn’t afraid of the fire, and wasn’t afraid of the dark. Yet for some reason she feared Pan’s words. He fiddled with his pipe and swayed side to side. Ella thought he wasn’t going to say anything at all but eventually he did.

“Finding you, bringing you here, was no accident. Just as you had said.” He began. “You are the first girl to come to Neverland since before your realm was even born.”

“But why? What’s so special about me? What was so special about Edwin?” Ella’s voice faded away at her brother’s name and again for a moment there was silence.

“There is a fairy, not from this land, but still she comes and goes between the realms. She is Reul Ghorm, otherwise known as the Blue Fairy. When a person has a true wish she will appear to them to grant it. I did not even know I was wishing at all until she came down in front off me. I asked what it was I wished for and she said that I wished to find the piece of Neverland that was missing. As soon as she said it I knew it to be true. Neverland was young and free, and so too was it reckless and dark and never ending. I asked her what was missing. She replied that it was not a what, but a who that I lacked. She told me of a house in your realm and said that there would be a child. A child who would possess the heart of the truest believer, the one who would make Neverland complete. You were not yet born the first time I visited that house. I thought that the child whom the fairy had spoken of was your brother. But that cannot be now. It’s you Ella. I did not believe at first, and for that I am sorry. But I have lived many countless years and I have never witnessed any belief more powerful than yours. It must be you.”

Ella could tell that Pan was finished with his story and she let out a breath she didn’t she’d been holding. She considered asking him if he was sure that he was right, that maybe Neverland’s savior hadn’t even been born yet. But somehow she couldn’t believe he would have brought her here if he weren’t sure. She still couldn’t grasp that she was this truest believer he spoke of, yet seeing the lost boys reaction to her journey, did solidify his theory. Could she handle this much responsibility? Hadn’t she always?

She looked at Peter. His eyes were already searching her. She saw things that she knew weren’t supposed to be there: Fear, worry, and desperation. He needed this to be true, but still he was afraid she would try to… leave? Perhaps that was it, because Ella it would seem was the only one who actually could without Pan.

“Do you believe you are the savior?” Pan asked quietly

Ella thought about that before saying, “I could believe it. I don’t see it right now though, I’m just a girl, I don’t know how to use magic, I still don’t even know how big the island is, let alone how to change its destiny.”

“You don’t need to know. It’ll just happen, destiny always does. As for your magic, I think you do know how to use it. Its not something a believer has to practice but rather something that just happens.”

Ella fell quiet at that. She looked around the camp distantly. Some of the smaller boys had fallen asleep on the ground, one with a large belly was snoring loudly. Peter’s word’s still rang in her head. And when she thought about it now her connection to the gate had seemed natural, not like a task that needed to be focused on but rather something she was meant to do. She had felt so tranquil, so calm. Just like Pan and the fire. There was harmony between the two so then there was no resulting disaster. If it was something ran on belief then just maybe…

Ella stood and crossed the distance to the dwindling fire. She took a breath and closed her eyes reaching out toward the flames. There was warmth. Just warmth and even when she stretched further still no burn. She opened her eyes and saw her own arm immersed to the elbow in the flames, completely unscathed. She huffed out a breath of excitement and pulled back her arm.

Pan’s voice came from very close behind her, “Do you believe now?”

Ella had to admit, she was starting to. She moved so that she was sitting cross-legged very close to the fire. Pan sat with her and they simply sat watching the fire and listening to the chaos of the lost boys slowly fade to sleep. After a while Peter broke the silence with a whispered question.

“What did you mean before when you said you needed me?”

Ella almost forgot the scene in her room; she clasped her nervous hands together. “After Edwin died my parents they… Changed. My mother, it was like she couldn’t bear living any more. My father became, quite the monster.” She touched the scar inside her palm. Peter noticing the action took her wrist to view the scar.

“Did he do this?” He asked, anger tainting his calm demeanor. Ella shook her head.

“He would throw tantrums and break the dished and mirrors and basically anything that would break. He did it about once a week and the next day I would clean it all up. A piece of glass caught me bad here and neither of them would take me to a doctor so it healed up pretty ugly.” Peter looked appalled, and Ella shrugged. “It happened a couple times…”

Pan laid his hand on the scar and Ella felt a flash of heat. Looking down she saw the scar was gone. “You won’t need ugly reminders anymore. We’re your family now and we’re going to look out for you.”

Ella smiled flexing her hand. “You know it’s kind of hard to believe this place needs _saving_ at all. It’s been a dream come true.”

Pan smiled tightly. “You’ll see, sooner or later.” The resignation in his voice put Ella ill at ease. The fire was dying and the world was going to black. She was about to ask Peter more questions when a boy started to scream. It appeared she was going to see what Pan was talking about sooner than she thought.


	5. I Want to go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella helps one of the younger boys through a nightmare

**Chapter 5: I want to go home**

            Ella Turned around to see which one of the boys had yelled. The fire was completely out now, and one of the older boys lit a torch. They were all looking at the boy who had screamed. He was short and probably the youngest of all the boys, maybe five or six. He had a round face with freckles all across the bridge of his nose, his hair was a very dark brown and his eyes were brown as well. Tears streamed down his face and his nose started to run, he was shaking something fierce. Ella tried to remember his name. She looked at Felix who was on her left and he assumed her question before she asked it.

“Pudge, he has nightmares every once and a while, wakes up screaming and crying no one can put him at ease.”

From the look of it no one was even trying. Pudge just sat on the ground and whimpered and the boys formed a ring around him to wait until it was over. From his place on the ground Pudge whined now “I want to go home!”

She looked over at Peter who was on her right. He looked very ashamed that he was doing nothing while his lost boy broke down, but also he looked very lost himself.

“What’s his name?”

He looked at her. “Pudge.”

She scowled at him, “His real name.”

Peter furrowed his brow and after a moment he said, “Darius, I think.”

“Why can’t he go home?”

“He cries for his mother and she died two years before I brought him here. His dad was in the military or something like that, and he lived with two grandparents who never wanted him. Even if I took him back he’s been here so long I think that they’re all dead.”

“Are we just going to stand here?”

“Tried helping before, I make things worse.”

“Fine. Do you have a rag?”

“What?”

“Well look at his face.” She said in way of explanation. Felix tapped her on the arm and held one out to her. She took it and rolled up her sleeves. “Thank you.”

She approached Pudge as one might a wounded animal. He was still sobbing and shaking. Ella knew he was going to make himself sick before long.

“Darius?” She called out to him softly. His old name caught his attention and he looked at her. She stepped closer and sat on her knees by his side.

“Why are you crying Darius?” She asked.

“I want to go home.” He sniveled.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

He took four or five half breaths as he cried and nodded.

“Tell me what happened.” She urged

“The was a big m-monster _sniff_ and he _sniff_ wanted to eat me b-but _sniff_ he spit me back because _sniff_ _sniff_ I was to pudgy.” Ella put her arm around his shoulder tentatively and Darius turned to cry into her side instead.

“Did you decide on the name Pudge?” He shook his head

“Do you like it?” Another shake of the head.

Ella looked around at the other boys still gathered around the scene

“Everyone, I regret to inform you that Pudge has left us and he’s never coming back. However this is Darius and I am sure you will find him to be as good of a brother to you all as Pudge once was.” The boys gathered around looked confused, but Darius looked up at her through his tears. Ella took the opportunity to wipe his nose and cheeks. He stopped sobbing but there were still tears.

“I want my mommy.” He said quietly. Ella tried to stroke his back soothingly.

“I know you do, I know. I lost someone too you know.” He looked at her with wide eyes. “My brother, his name was Edwin. But did you know that when you loose someone they’re not really gone.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Oh yes, here tell me do you feel this?” She took his hand and put two fingers under his neck. “Stay still now and you can feel it.” He waited a moment, and two and three. Then his eyes widened

“I feel it!”

“Do you know what that is?” he shook his head. “That’s you heart. And so long as you still remember your mother then she will stay with you,” She a hand placed a hand on his chest, “In your heart.” He put a hand on his chest and then deciding her couldn’t feel it there put his fingers back his neck. He laid his head in Ella’s lap with his hand on his pulse, no longer crying.

“I want to go home.” he said.

Ella stroked his hair trying to soothe him, “This is your home, and we are your family.”

He gave a small nod and Ella waited. After a few minutes she leaned to look at his face. He was sleeping peacefully. She waved to the other boys and two of the older boys came to move Darius away, somewhere he could sleep for the night. Ella’s legs were cramped from being folded and taking Darius’s weight. Her first attempt to stand was quite the failure. Peter walked over her and extended a hand to help, and she took it gratefully. She was still a bit unsteady; she had been a little tired before and now she was ready for sleep.

“That was amazing.”

Ella laughed, “You set the bar for amazing a bit low. You’ve obviously never had to babysit.”

“Pud- Darius has been here for over a hundred years and he’s had nightmares weekly. And there was nothing any of us could do to help him. You’re changing things already” He smiled at her.

Ella stifled a yawn. “I think that’s enough for today. Where do I get to sleep?”

“Well you could sleep anywhere but I rather think you’d like it in the caves.” He said.

“Sleeping in a cave.” She giggled “and I thought today couldn’t get any better.”

The funny thing about that was she was being completely genuine.

Peter led her and the rest of the lost boys down the hill where their camp was placed and to the base of a mountain. There was a small entrance and the base of the mountain that Ella would have missed had Peter not lead her to it. It was no more than four feet high and three feet wide and it extended in the mountain as a long tunnel. Looking at the small entryway she rather doubted that there would be enough space for them all. But as she crawled through the gap, the tunnel opened up into a grand room within the hollowed out mountain. The room was perfectly round and went up as high as the mountain. Stone stairs spiraled up and connected to each landing. Peter waved his hand and light came pouring from every cave on every landing. _Magic._ Ella smiled the light was beautiful coming from all the caves, hundreds of them many more than the boys needed _._ Each one had a tattered curtain pinned to one side or the other and a bed. The ones that were already taken by boys had other belongings as well. Some were neat and some were disastrously lived in.The all started the climb and most of the boys turned off at the lower landings. Slowly as the circled again and again the lost boys left to their respective places until it was just Ella and Peter. Just when she thought her legs were going to give out from exhaustion, Peter led her to a room with a single bed and a ball light in the corner floating freely.

“Touch it and it’ll go out.” Peter said. “I’ll see you in the morning when the real fun begins.” He flashed her a wry grin and she nodded to him.

“Good night.” She said

“Indeed” he replied and then it was just Ella.

As soon as he was gone exhaustion set in. She fell onto the bed and into most peaceful sleep she’d had since Edwin fell ill. She slept soundly with a smile on her face.


	6. Pixie Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan shows Ella the Fall's of Neverland

**Chapter 6: Pixie dust**

Ella woke up expecting to remember an elaborate dream that would fade all too fast as she began her chores for the day. But the little light that Peter left her with bobbed in front of her face and Ella knew that it had not been a dream. As she sat up the blanket fell from around her shoulders and she studied the light. She couldn’t resist the urge to touch the light and it seemed as if there was sunlight coming anyway. She reached out to place a finger on it. As soon as she connected with the light it was sucked away in a puff of smoke with a small barely audible whine. Ella made a contented sound and looked around her cave room. She hadn’t really looked at the bed the night before. The blankets were thick like wool, but much softer. The mattress its self was tightly woven from dried grass. It looked quite beautiful. She didn’t know what the pillows were, and they were so comfortable she didn’t care.

She was curious as to if the rest of the boys were up, so she swung her legs out of bed. She hadn’t undressed at all last night, not that it mattered seeing as she didn’t really have nightclothes. In the corner she noticed a pile of green clothes and went over to them. There was a more tailored shirt than the one she had on, and a brown cloak just like the boys all wore followed by another pair of green pants. She held the green shirt up to her. It was layered light and dark green and would come down to the middle of her forearms. She would wear it tomorrow maybe. She wanted to explore today, to adventure. If she were to ruin a shirt she’d rather in be the one she had on. She was about to walk out when she noticed a pair of gloves. They were fingerless and blue. She put them on right away. Her hair probably looked disastrous as well so she wrapped the silver scarf around her head before heading out.

The first thing she noticed was that it was still quiet. The second thing was that she was on the second to the top floor and there were hundreds of stairs between her and the entrance. She sat down on the very first stair and looked down with a sigh, this was quite the morning task. She was wishing for some other way down when she felt her self shoot downward. She suppressed a cry and turned her head both ways. She wasn’t falling; she was on a stone slide, the stairs. She bit her lips to contain the noise she wanted to make, and smiled as she raced around and around. When the end was in sight she pulled her feet under her and attempted to slide to a stop. It didn’t work quite as she had planned because she was going too fast. She took a few ill placed steps and started to lose balance. Just as she began wind milling her arms, someone reached out to steady her.

Peter quirked an eyebrow at her, “Enjoy the ride?” He asked.

She nodded mutely. That was the best she’d ever been woken up, even though technically she had been “awake” before, now she felt aware.

“Was that normal morning routine for Neverland?” She asked in turn, detaching herself from his arms.

“No, but it didn’t seem like you were really going to come down for awhile and I’d like to get started sooner than later.” He turned and made his way toward the mountain entrance.”

“Start what now?”

“See now I’ve been debating as to what we should call it. ‘Magic training,’ is inaccurate but also I think you’d understand the concept of that better than if I said ‘belief training’, which by the way just sounds stupid.”

“You’re going to teach me magic?” Ella couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice.

Peter smiled at her in a way that made her feel naïve and made her stomach churn. He must have been able to read her pretty well because he made a gesture with his hands for her to wait for him to explain.

“Not here, come with me.” He turned and walked away and again Ella followed him. She sure hoped this wouldn’t become a habit, though she admittedly liked not knowing where she was going.

            They left the caves and Pan led her through the forest. What Ella assumed was halfway through their journey, Peter decided to guide from behind Ella so that she would stop falling behind. Ella wasn’t going to apologize for that. There was simply too much to see that her curiosity ran rampant. She wanted to follow anything that moved, which actually seemed to be the majority of the jungle. Peter didn’t seem to be getting impatient; every time she got distracted he put her back on course. Ella was a little deflated that they couldn’t see more of the island right away but the prospect of magic kept her from completely leaving Pan. Ella was so confused when they came to the base of yet another mountain, equally as large as the one they had yet left.

“Did we do a roundabout?” She asked confused, but Peter shook his head.

“There are many of these mountains in Neverland, behind it is a whole range of mountains, within which is the darkest part of the island, we try to avoid it. But what you need to see is up this mountain.”

Ella wasn’t quite sure her mountain climbing skills would be up to par. Luckily there was a pathway ringing around the side of the mountain. As they neared the top Ella could hear the sound of rushing water. She turned the last corner and saw the waterfall coming from the side of the mountain. The pool of water was the clearest she’d ever seen, it sparkled and rippled in the faint morning sun that creep into the mountain crevasse.

“That water comes from the heart of Neverland. It is the most powerful elixir of this realm. It can cure the sick, grant visions, break spells, and enhance magic.”

“If I bathed in it would that make me magic?” she asked not sure if she was being serious of joking. The whole premise of this was a little much for her because she didn’t understand it.

“No. Nobody makes magic, it can only be shaped. You are a believer Ella. I am too. The way we bend magic it’s very different from that of a sorcerer, witch or wizard. We aren’t charm casters, the power we have comes not from the power we obtain but from the power within. It comes from the way we envision the world and the way we interact with it as well.”

“I don’t understand” Said Ella, “What does this have to do with the falls?”

“A test!” Peter exclaimed, and then shook his head. “A game.” He reached up and pulled on the string he had around his neck.  Attached to the end was a small vial, perhaps an inch in diameter and three inches tall. Inside was filled with what appeared to be very sparkly dust. He detached it from around his neck and held it out to her. Ella handled it as one might an explosive. She peered inside for a better look. The dust was changing colors and Ella couldn’t decide what color it actually was. It was like looking through a prism where there was no color and all the colors at the same time. It also seemed to be filled with light. Ella had the urge to uncap it in the dark depths of Neverland that Pan talked about.

“What is it?” She finally asked.

“Pixie Dust. It’s harvested from the Star Flowers in our tallest trees here. When the boys get hold of it they spill it all over their heads because when they believe hard enough, it allows them to fly.”

Ella stared at the vial. “How long does it last?”

“Not long, a couple of hours maybe.” Ella scowled at the bottle. She didn’t want to waste the magic. If it dissipated so fast there had to be a way to get it to last longer. She looked at the water, and smiled. A game...

“Has anyone ever tried to drink it?”


	7. A Risk and a Reward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella finds a dangerous way to enhance her abilities

**Chapter 7: A Risk and A Reward**

Pan didn’t like this plan. It was too dangerous for Ella. Yet there was still a treacherous part inside of him that was tingling with excitement. How had he never thought of this before? But he was rather fond of Ella if this backfired it would be ugly. But if not…

He sat by her on the banks of the falls. She held the deep conch shell he had provided for her. She bit her lower lip, as she tended to do when she was deep in thought. The silver scarf was wrapped around her hair an her hair looked graceful under the sheer fabric in it’s wide chocolate waves.  Her eyes caught the sun and Pan noticed that they were a light honey brown in the center and got darker around the edge of the iris. She dipped the shell into the water, poured some out, wiped the edges and then rested it on her lap. As Pan held the vial out to her, the worry inside started to outweigh the excitement. He fixed a neutral expression on his face, she was going to go through with this with or with out him.  Pan only hoped he could save her if it went bad.

She took the vial and uncapped it pouring it into the water in the shell. When the two connected there was a small flash of green light. Ella smiled “Well, that’s exciting.” She murmured. She sniffed the potion, and looked at it some more. Pan was about to say she didn’t have to drink it when she turned to him.

“Do you believe I’ll make it?”

“El-” he started but she cut across him again

“Do you believe I’ll make it?” The question hung between them for a moment as Pan rolled around his answer.

“Yes.”

She drained the conch before Pan could react. He repositioned himself in a crouch and reached out a hand toward her, wary that something was about to happen.

Then she fainted.

“Ella!” He called, taking her by the upper arms so she didn’t slam her head down into the ground. He lowered her gently, shaking and calling her. He checked her pulse and it was steady. He sat on the ground and pulled her head to rest on his leg. He knew he shouldn’t have let her drink it. She wasn’t ready! Maybe in time but now… Now he would just have to believe she’d come back. He stewed away in his own uncertainty for five long minutes. When Ella finally moved her head Pan wanted to holler victory. She opened her eyes and Pan smiled down at her.

“How long was I out?” She asked sitting up.

“Five minutes? Maybe more. You scared the crap out of me! You drank so much of something so powerful so fast, it could have killed you!” Pan was surprised himself at his outburst, it was very much unlike him. But Ella’s only reply was:

“I know.”

Ella bewildered Pan like no other but more importantly he wanted to know if her risk worked.

“Think you can fly?” Pan asked with a quirk of the brow.

Ella stood steadier than one would expect, and looked up at the open skies. “Of course.” She said, and as soon as she did delicate transparent elongated wings appeared on her back, seemingly without her notice.

“Wings.” Pan said thoughtfully “Makes sense but it’s a girl thing isn’t it? No boy wants to fly around with fairy wings, maybe that’s why I’ve never seen it before.”

“What are you talking about?” Ella interjected

“Your wings.” Pan replied pleasantly.

Ella tried to turn and look at he wings but they were out of her range of sight. “I’ll take your word for it.” She said.

“You don’t believe me?”

“Would I be here if I didn’t?”

Pan smiled and rose into the air. “Want to see Neverland Ella?”

She nodded and her wings started to beat until she was hovering just next to Pan. The wings beat so fast you couldn’t see them at all if you weren’t looking and they made no noise. He showed Ella how to get from the Fall’s to the Echo Cave to Home mountain, where they slept. He took her by the water and let her see Skull Rock. The mermaids over Mermaid Lagoon popped out of the water and waved. Ella started doing flips in the air when they were over Cannibal Cove. By the time the landed on the Peak of Home Mountain all the boys were up and half the day was gone. Ella was alight with excitement.

“Congratulations Ella.” Said Pan alighting beside her. “I think it worked.”

She started to laugh and looked out at the blue waters surrounding Neverland. As soon as her eyes hit Cannibal cove, she doubled over in pain and the air got knocked out of her lungs. She distantly heard Pan calling her name. Her vision was pure white. From the blankness rose a single image of a blue ship, with red flags bearing the symbol of a white lion.  It was heading for the shores of Neverland.

The vision vanished, and she returned to herself.

Pan’s face was inches in front of hers, looking worried. He had her by the arms and she sat forward taking her weight off of him. She was shaking and breathing heavily. What just happened? Pan was thinking along the same lines.

“Ella, what happened? Are you alright? Why do you keep doing this to me?”

She struggled to control her shaking body. “S-Ships, on the shores of Neverland, that’s what I saw.” He looked behind them at the empty water and then back at her.

“What did they look like?”

“It was a- um, a blue ship, had red flags-”

“And the symbol of a white lion?” he asked

“Yes! That’s it do you know it?”

“Oh yes we know those _travelers_ well. Must have been the water. I expect you’ll be getting visions of the future now whether you want to or not. No telling how long it will be till they really come but this time we’ll be ready.”

“Who are they?”

“They were once lost boys like the rest of us, but then they chose to grow up and left us. They returned in numbers to steal our magic, the Starflowers. But they don’t work outside of Neverland. We always try to stop them and it never ends well.  They are a great danger to the boys, and us.”

“They wouldn’t kill you for something that doesn’t even work!” Ella said, appealing to the logic of the situation.

“Yes they would. They already have.” Ella swallowed hard.

“Then we best be ready.” She said.


	8. Preperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neverland prepares for the arrival of the enemies in Ella's vision

**Chapter 8: Preparation**

It had been a week since Ella had had her so-called _prophecy._ With the news of the coming ship Ella had brought chaos. When the lost boys got the news the spirit of Neverland that Ella saw in her first days. The camp became a training camp and it saddened Ella’s heart. Boys at the age of five and six were hefting around swords, bows arrows and axes. Ella had pleaded with Pan before he announced the news to the boys.

 

_“I have magic now, we can take the fight to them before they can even make port at the island! We can take down the ship and the boys will never have to be in danger.”_

_He shook his head grimly, “Can’t fight them with magic. They bring sorcerers, there was only one last time but I’m betting that they could have found another. That and they harvest ink from the giant squid in the near waters. If it touches us,” He made a face remembering something bad and than shook his head again. “No more magic.”_

_“So you want the boys to wage war?” Ella had asked angrily, to which he just shook his head._

_“I don’t!” he said. He swallowed hard and made his Adams apple bob. “I want them to be able to protect themselves and each other. I don’t want to lose anyone again!”_

_“Again?” Ella took a step toward him but Peter looking quite shaky had just walked away._

After that particularly mysterious conversation Ella had been carrying around a certain sense of dread. The little ones were sparring with wooden swords, the elder ones with very real swords. Ella herself was being instructed in the way of the sword by Felix and felt her chest swell with pride because she actually wasn’t half bad at it. She leaned against a tree and watched as the boys fit each other for leather armor and spar. Some of the boys were learning battle strategies and other were leaning how to make bows and arrows. A few moments later Darius detached from the ring of boys that was learning to make bows. He was holding a jagged arch of wood above his head proudly as he ran toward Ella. He had been following her around lately, showing her things and, according to the other boys, talking more than usual.

“Look!” to her waving the frail bow that gave off a few splinters. Ella gasped in mock surprise and knelt down to get a closer look.

“Did you make that all by yourself?” she asked, coating her voice in awe. He nodded vigorously.

“Well I think we’re in good hands then. I think you could arm the whole camp by yourself.” He seemed appalled by the notion.

“Nuh-uh, it was hard and it took tooo long.” He complained. “Nimble fingers can do that I’m going down to the bay with the other boys to lay traps!” he said happily before bouncing off toward the bay.

“Be careful!” Ella shouted at him. She couldn’t help it.

“Okay mom!” he called back.

_Okay mom._

Ella let her mouth fall open but she couldn’t reply even if she had wanted to as Darius had bounded off to play with the other boys. A small sad smile played on her lips.

“You should talk to him about that, if it bothers you.” Said Pan coming up behind her and making her jump.

“Don’t you ever announce yourself?” She snapped but her heart wasn’t in it. Pan smirked at her.

“So are you going to?”

“Tell him I’m not his mother? I think he knows that.”

“Well apparently not.” He said, though he didn’t sound like he was trying to push her to resolve the issue. If she was truthful she didn’t want to. She could love Darius, all the boys for that matter, as her sons. A mother was some one who kept you safe and who would always be there. Ella knew that she would fight to protect any of the boys and that here she would be forever by their side. No she certainly didn’t mind if Darius called her mom. In fact it made her feel immense pride, like she had been bestowed some sort of high honor.

“Do you think it’d be a bad thing?” She asked Peter quietly.

“No, but fair warning, soon you’ll be mother to them all that’s the way these things spread among young boys.” But Ella just shook her head.

“No, it’s the kind of thing that has to be earned.” She said. Then deciding to close the matter she said, “I want to practice with magic, care to assist?”

Peter smiled and nodded. “Let me show you what they’re after.” He said, extending a hand.

Ella took it and in the blink of an eye they were standing at the foot of the tallest tree Ella had ever seen, presumably the tallest in all of Neverland. It was as thin as it could get without just toppling over. If Ella had been the size that her dad was she could have hugged around it easily. She didn’t even bother to inquire how Peter had transported them (She would figure it out on her own later) it was weird though that something could become routine so fast. And even this was hard to claim as truth because the time in Neverland was different than it was in Ella’s homeland. It seemed to stretch so that every moment was savored and cherished. Pan started to rise and Ella followed him, now faintly aware of the thin wings that beat behind her. Peter had perched on a branch and Ella carefully sat on another that looked thick enough to hold her weight. She looked at Peter and he gestured to the top of the tree where Ella saw a multitude of bright green buds. Ella could see the tips of thin pink petals. She smiled and reached out to touch one of them.

“They are starflowers,” said Peter, “meaning they only bloom at-” His words trailed off as the bud beneath Ella’s fingers slowly peeled out ward into a magnificent bloom. In the middle the pixie dust faintly glowed green.

Pan swallowed and let his last words fall “At night”

Ella pulled her hand back guiltily and the bud snapped shut. Peter’s eyebrows jumped high. “You certainly are special.” He said quietly, probably not expecting Ella to hear it. She felt her face grow warm and pretended she did not. He cleared his throat.

“Okay, come on. You’re going to help me put a force filed around the trees that carry the starflowers. Ella nod and jumped out of the tree, catching herself in the air.

“How do I do that?” She asked.

“Just imagine a force field, let the magic flow and I’ll add mine behind your belief, okay?”

She nodded and extended her palms toward the tree and envisioned a wall of magic that would cause any one who ran into it to forget that this was ever their destination to begin with. Only Ella or Peter could go through. She felt heat running through her body, starting somewhere in her stomach. It felt as if warm water was defying gravity and running along her limbs and out her palms. She felt a second surge like fire a moment later and then it was over. She felt exhausted. Ella’s wings stuttered and she started to fall, then caught her self, then fell anyway and hit the ground hard. She felt arms come around her and help her to her feet. She could make out Pan’s voice.

“…didn’t have to do the whole darn thing by yourself, Ella. I told you I was going to help you. Should have let me.”

“What?” She mumbled, her head starting to clear. She looked down at his hands and saw them faintly glowing.

“I’m replenishing your magic.” He explained. “You did the whole thing by yourself! I told you I would help for a reason!”

“You said to let the magic flow.”

“I suppose I should have realized how powerful you are.” He helped her to her feet and together they headed back to camp.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. Peter glanced down at her and nudged her shoulder.

“It’s really not your fault. Never apologize to anyone else for being extraordinary.”

“Even you?”

“Oh no, always apologize to me.” She laughed and so did he.


	9. The Desire to Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story switches to the point of view of the two invading grown lost boys and their history with Pan

**Chapter 9: The Desire to Burn.**

 

Captain Luther Stiles leaned over the side of the _Lady Luck_ as the salty ocean water accosted his face. Wind blew at the strands of his light blonde hair and relaxed his frame that was rigid in anticipation. It was late into the night already and many of the crew were below deck resting. It was quiet but he could hear the mild chatter of the two beings that sat on the opposite side of the boat. The woman had powder blue eyes that were utterly mesmerizing. Her hair was jet black and flowed freely down her back and she was adorned all in red. She sat with a man was slender and hollow. He looked as if he might snap just from standing in a strong wind. He had dark olive skin and blonde hair, which made him look unnatural and a blank look in his all white eyes that warned anyone who looked upon them of danger.

Luther ran a hand across his beard putting it back in place before walking toward the man at the wheel of the boat, Reagan Di. Reagan was his closest friend and had been so for quite a long time, longer than anyone Stiles knew. Long enough to remember their years in Neverland. He up looked at his taller friend as he approached. Reagan had dark blue eyes and chocolate brown curls. His hair was cropped very close at the back but grew longer toward the front so that it hung down in front of his face. Luther was seven years his elder but neither of them cared about that, that had spent thousands of year together on that island. Time was nothing to them.

And yet, time was everything to them.

Luther had been thirteen when Pan brought him to the island. Reagan had been seven and they had been the best of friends from the very start. When you’re young it’s hard to feel the time passing or not passing. Pan had regular trade with a few merchants back then and they fascinated Luther and Reagan to no end. They would marvel at every visitor, at the miracle time had wrought upon each person. They pondered what their own bodies would look like if they would but submit to the passing of time. As the years wore on curiosity won out for the boys. They wanted to grow up. So they left and grow they did. Reality came crashing into them and it chewed them up and spat them out. They had no job, no money, no shelter, and no food. The worst part was that they could never return to that land of magic; they had lived in the hard life for too many years. They could never be children again. Not by all the magic in all of the worlds. They should know; they had tried. The got jobs as sea merchants and after a few years of that, they had bought the _Lady Luck_ and sailed through all the lands in search of an answer to the battle fought against the decay of time. Not one was found. All they wanted the magic back. They wanted to fly with the green light around their bodies and gleaming in their eyes! To go back to the world where doing as you pleased was a good passing of time and not discarded as a waste. They just wanted to return to Neverland. They just wanted to come home! But the first time they tried Peter had met them at the shore. He told them to leave and never return. A boy they had once looked at as a god! As a father! As family! This is how he treated them? The outrage! Luther remembered the day with a bitter taste in his mouth.

_Luther surged forward and shoved his face in front of Pan’s. Reagan stood anxiously at his back ready to interfere but not yet sure of behalf of whom. “What is it? You just want the magic to yourself, don’t you! DON’T YOU?! I’ll bet you never thought of any one of us as family! We were just fleeting entertainment to you weren’t we? Greedy Bastard! Insolent brat!”_

_Pan’s hand darted out fast and gripped Luther by the throat. “I am not the one with greed in their eyes Lu! You made your choice and you have now grown. Magic here no longer works for you and this island is no longer your home. Can’t you even see? You come here, anger in your veins, the commands just rolling off your tongue.” His voice darkened dangerously. “I remember a man just like this. Same blonde hair same brown eyes. I remember a boy who lived here and thanked_ me _for rescuing him from that monster.” He shoved Luther and he landed hard in the sand. Pan was much stronger than he had thought.  Luther sat there in the sand, numbed by the anger, the sorrow and the loss. He heard Reagan but it was as if from far away. The words never really reached him._

_“Peter please! We didn’t know what life was like off the island. We had long forgotten what the outside world was like. We’re not made for this. Can you turn us back? We just want to go back!” he was crying. “I just want to come home.” He sobbed as he fell on his knees part way between Pan and Luther. Pan squatted in front of the once lost boy._

_“I am sorry. Truly I am. But you have lived too much, you cannot enjoy being young anymore. Life makes you desperate. The island is a safe place for those who are lost. But you my friends are no longer lost. The two of you together made the choice to turn your backs on the island and together you have lived on the outside.” He put a hand on Reagan’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “You don’t need Neverland anymore.”_

_“How do you know what we need?” Said Luther popping up from his place in the sand. “As if you know anymore of the world than we once did!”_

_“I do.” Said pan standing as well._

_“Lies!” Luther hissed. “All of it was lies! All of it_ is _lies! The magic will work if you would share it with us, but you won’t you greedy little child!” he roared. “I will get my revenge on you Pan. I will smile from the sky when I can once again fly, as I watch Neverland **BURN**!”_

He and Reagan had come back years after this encounter. In the time that had passed the duo had met Jaquelin Amato. She was a sorceress they had met in their travels and, tall slender dark and ruthless, she was just what they needed to destroy Pan. She knew the secrets of magic and broke down Pan’s barrier so that they could get to the island. She herself took on Pan and doused him with squid ink. Pan could not fight. But his boys did. Luther got sliced from his right hip up to his left collarbone. That little shit, Felix loved Pan like no other and he was rum handy with a sword. Luther had given him a good slash across the face for it of course, and later learned that Jaquelin had killed his brother Carlyle. They had had to pull back so Jaquelin could heal Luther but they had left Chaos in their wake. That made Luther smile. They had come so close.

 

But this time would be different. They had Jaquelin, and now they had Lazarus Marrow. He made Jaquelin look almost cuddly, and smiled at the prospect of blood. With a new crew of able-bodied men aboard the _Lady Luck,_ they set sail into the portal and made for Neverland. Nothing would come in the way of Luther’s revenge this time. He would finally reclaim the magic that was once his. Him and Reagan! They would reclaim what was once theirs. Luther would quench his desire for a burning Neverland in blood. Pan’s blood. He smiled at Reagan who returned the gesture.

Destruction was imminent.


	10. A Mutual Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix tell Ella about his brother Carlyle

**Chapter 10: A Mutual Pain**

 

Felix was tense in concentration. His fingers twitched on the wood of his bow. He drew an arrow and loosed it at one of the targets he had set up. It landed perfectly in the center. He rolled over to face the one that had previously been behind him a little to his left. He had ten targets and he hit all of them in the center every time. He even managed to slice one in half with a satisfactory _Crack!_ He was wound tight and on the edge. When Pan told him the Lu and Reagan were to return, he vowed that he would not be allowed to wreck havoc in his home ever again. He would make them pay for what happened to Carlyle. He closed his eyes and if was as if it had happened yesterday. It was horribly vivid on the black canvass of his closed eyelids.

 

_Carlyle had his bow in hand and was firing arrows at the men that streamed from the ship Luther and Reagan had come in. He didn’t have a sword. He’d never been good with one. Luther screams rose slightly above the clatter of battle. Reagan was half helping half carrying him back toward their ship in retreat. Felix felt such triumph in landing his blow and the lost boys were so relieved to see the enemy start to retreat, they had forgotten the snake that had brought. Felix turned to his younger brother in time to see the sorcerer plunge a golden dagger into his chest. He remembered screaming. Not the sound but the action. He remembered dropping to his knees and holding his brother’s head, stroking his blonde curls as he watched the light fade from his once bright blue eyes._

A snap brought him out of his revere and he loosed his arrow without even thinking. As soon as his fingers released the string he felt his stomach drop.

There was a squeal and his brain registered the arrow heading for Ella in slow motion. But just as it almost hit its mark it turned to water and doused her instead. He hurried over to her she was mumbling to herself.

“Water is just fine but next time perhaps butterflies or flowers or something else that’s easier to clean up.” She sounded annoyed but Felix was just glad she was all right and he felt crazy guilty.

“I’m so sorry Ella! I was training and I didn’t expect anyone to be down here… or awake for that matter,” He rambled all of this as he helped her to her feet. She wasn’t drenched in water just splashed, but judging from her shivers it must have been ice cold

“It’s fine.” she said him patting at her wet shirt and smoothing down her hair. She laughed, “I’m just glad it wasn’t one of the other boys. Besides I need to get trained just like everyone else but no one will actually try to hurt me so it’s not fair training. I should be thanking you. Now I know that water, although not harmful, is not the _best_ thing to turn an arrow into.” She’d expected him to lighten up at her casual commentary. When he did not she wiped away her smile and became serious.

“What were you thinking about Felix?”

He stiffened and said curtly, “My brother.”

Ella cocked her head to the side, “I didn’t know you had a brother.” She said softly

“I did. His name was Carlyle,” He said standing and fidgeting with the bow in his hands. It was Carlyle’s; he had always been the best crafter they had back then. Felix preferred it to Nimble Fingers’ work. “But he’s been dead a long time.”

“I understand your pain. Some people believe time heals all wound but sometimes just the name will cause that pain to well back up because you can try to forget but every time you forget you’re going to have to relive it. You don’t escape things like that, not ever.” Her voice was barely a whisper by that final word. Felix looked at her and nodded. Just nodded, because he understood everything she had just said and knew first hand that comfort didn’t help.

“How did he die?” She asked

“The once lost boys brought an enchantress on their raid.” He swallowed and felt his lip quiver slightly. “She stabbed him- in the chest. A-and I held him while he bled to death.”

He wasn’t expecting Ella to hug him, but that sure didn’t mean he wasn’t grateful. He hugged her back thinking maybe he was wrong about the comfort thing or maybe it was because he knew she knew how he felt. Most of the boys here were physically too young to understand, the rest were either mentally to young or just couldn’t understand. Most everyone else who lost someone in that fight had chosen to leave, war made all the young minds grow old; even the heart of Neverland couldn’t have saved them. Pan had been devastated. That was when he and Felix truly became friends. From then on he had happily been Peter’s right hand man. He only wished it hadn’t come at such a price.

“My mother used to talk to my brother and I all the time about angels.” Ella said, her voice quiet and comforting as she hugged the lost boy. “She said all the people in the world were being watched by their own angels. Sometimes I wondered how there could be so many angels. There were just too many people you know? But when my brother died I remembered something she said. She said when good people wrongfully died they got to live a new life as an angel. And then I understood then why there were so many. Good people almost always have unfair deaths. It gives me comfort though, to think that maybe my brother’s watching me and living another life with other good people. Maybe your brother’s watching you too.”

Felix felt his eyes sting and felt a tear roll down his cheek. Ella let go of him and pulled him down to sit next to her on the ground. He thought about what she said and felt a little of the weight on his chest lightened. Felix wanted to- needed to believe that Carlyle had gone somewhere better, and that if he kept living that one day he would get to see him again.

“What was he like?”

Felix smiled, “He was a free spirit, most lost boys are. He wasn’t afraid to go anywhere or do anything. It was one of the things I envied most about him, his bravery, even if he did get into shiploads of trouble for it sometimes. We weren’t actually close until we came to Neverland. I think Pan knew that would happen somehow. He liked making things,” He offered the bow to Ella, “and he was good at it.”

She looked over the bow and ran her hands over the bow. It had carvings on the handle and there were some lines painted in light blue.

“Its beautiful, he made this?”

Felix nodded taking it back. “He was the best shot with a bow, better than anyone I’d ever seen. Wouldn’t go near a sword for nothin’ either. One of the boys had given him the paint. Said it suited him because it was the same color as his eyes. He had blonde hair, he was so short and thin, and he was five years younger than me. Only about eleven when Pan came for us.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence until Ella said, “That’s why Pan told you separately isn’t it?”

Felix nodded and she squeezed his hand. “This time will be different I promise you, I can’t pretend to know what happened last time. But we’re ready this time. And you have me.”

“Thanks mom.”

“You too, huh?” Felix turned a little red

“Sorry, most of the boy started- it sorta just caught on.” He pursed his lips not sure what to say but Ella smiled and stood.

“Its alright Felix.” She started to walk away but Felix’s words still reached her

“If anyone could be Neverland’s mother, I think it could be you.”


	11. War Wages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Once Lost boys finally arrive

**Chapter 11: War Wages**

           It was earlier morning, before the sunrise, and Ella sat on the rocks of Home Mountain. She had found this spot the second week after her prophecy. It was the place she had seen the ship from in her vision. If she closed her eyes it was still there, a black dot in the distance that proved itself a threat as it moved closer. A warm breeze passed over her skin, and Ella loved the way it felt. She pulled her knees up closer and rested her head on them. She stayed that way until she heard rock crunching under footfalls. She turned her head and saw Peter come to sit with her. The sky had turned pink and purple; the light of day carefully trimmed each cloud. It was beautiful.

 "Do you think it'll be soon?" She asked Peter. The sun had lit up his blonde hair and brought out lightness in his eyes, which contrasted with his dark green clothing. He looked beautiful too.

 "I don't know Ella. It could be years, or days, or hours, but it never hurts to be prepared. We have to protect what is ours so that no one will even think to threaten it in the future." Ella nodded and put her head back on her knees again.

"I talked to Felix yesterday. I know about Carlyle and the others, I understand your pain." He inhaled a sharp breath.

 "I can't let it happed again. I can't." Ella looked at him and saw the way his eyes shone and the way his jaw was set in pain and anger. The looked at him and understood what Felix had told her the day before about the size of their loss on Neverland last time. She decided it was best not to say anything but, "Okay." And pulled Pan into her arms. They stayed that way until the sun was already up and Pan pulled back swatting a tear from his cheek.

"I'm still not calling you mother." He mumbled and Ella laughed.

 "I think I'd be rather upset if you did."

 "All this waiting is making me crazy. It's going to unhinge me."

Ella's eyes widened as she looked once more out to sea.  "I think the wait is over." Her voice trembled a bit because this time the black spot on the horizon was real whether she closed her eyes or kept the open.  No more waiting.

 

* * *

 

 

Pan woke all the boys and was shouting out directions at different boys. The whole camp seemed to be in disarray but Ella knew there were different groups of boys that were carrying out important tasks. Not one for being left behind, Ella stayed hot on Pan’s heels as he ran though the camp. She had her brown cloak over her green shirt and pants. Her sword was strapped to her hip and she had another knife in her boot. She had tamed her hair into a braid as well.

“I want the Twins to take their group down to the water. You are a look out only. Do not engage the enemies unless you have no choice. Understand? Ella, you’re going to stay with Felix. Boys you listen to us three only, okay? It’s the only way we’re going to stay coordinated enough to run them off the island. Some one needs to get all the younger boys into Home Mountain and then seal it.”

A boy with raven colored hair and sharp feature called Trick, volunteered to take them. Darius was among them and Ella felt immense relief knowing that he wouldn’t be in this fight, but there were so many more that would. After hearing what had happened to Carlyle she feared they would lose some one now. Of course she knew that’s usually what happened when waging war, but thinking you’ll lose someone and losing someone are two different things. Pan turned back to her.

“You and me are the most powerful assets. Do you understand that?” Ella nodded to him and swallowed her anxiety. She needed to focus. “I will be offensive with the magic, okay? You’ll be the defensive, keep the boys safe.”

“I will.” She said, feeling the weight of responsibility shift onto her shoulders. She lifted her head just a little bit higher; She would bear it.

Pan nodded to her and went about dividing up the boys into their designated groups. There were two groups, one for Pan and one for Ella.  Each had one shooter group of younger boys who would fight by the bow. Each had one hand-to-hand group of just about any other weapon. Some hefted clubs, others swords, and knifes and staffs. The clatter of metal filled Ella’s ears. Once that was done Pan lead his group closer to the shore they thought the ship was approaching from. Ella watched as he lefts and then looked over at Felix. He had his brothers’ bow strung across his back and a quiver full of arrows, in his hands was a long knotted wooden staff. He was holding it tight enough to make his knuckles turn white. He was angry.

“Hey,” His head snapped up to look at her. “Today’s not about revenge.” He looked away and she stepped in front of him. “No, no, no, look at me. Today is not about revenge.” She repeated slowly. “Nobody can change the past. Revenge is just a way of letting your past ruin your future. Take a look around at all of your brothers. You and I are more than just another couple of children on this island, and you know that. They look to us. We need to protect them. Today is not about revenge; it’s about your brothers. Am I clear?” He was looking at her with wide eyes, but he nodded. She gave another curt nod back at him and gave his hand a squeeze. “We’re not going to loose any one else today okay?”

“Yes, mother.” She knew it was a lie. They could loose some one. Felix knew it was a lie too. What mattered was that he knew what he was fighting for. She gave a half smile.

“Good.” Her eyes darted over to one of the smaller boys fumbling with the straps of his makeshift armor. “Go and help your brother.” She nodded in his direction and he walked away over to the boy.

“Mother!” Trick was running over to her now. “Pan sent me to tell you that they’re going to dock in Mermaid Lagoon. He said to move your boys between there and Home Mountain.”

“Where is he?”

“Between the shore and the Star flowers.”

“Are you staying with us?” he nodded. “Archer or Hand-to-hand?”

“Hand-to-hand, sword.”

“Okay I want you to stay close to me out there, okay?” he nodded. “Spread the word among the boys.” He ran off. “Felix!” He came up to her. “You take the hand-to-hand I’ll take the archers. We’re going to settle between the shore of Mermaid lagoon and Home Mountain. Don’t be seen.”

“Yes, mother.”

Their group tramped through the forest, much louder than would have been convenient. They kept their eyes open for any of the men that would be coming for them. Once they were in position she sent another boy to tell Pan. Then they just waited. They waited for what seemed like hours but nothing happened. That wait was supposed to be over, and this was so much worse than before.

She heard yelling in the distance and Ella’s head snapped up. Some of the other boys heard it too. Ella rubbed circles on the smaller boys’ backs and tried not to show her fear. The noise seemed to have struck a chord among the boys; they had all gone very still. The silence was tense and absolute. They all heard the footsteps. Someone was running toward them. Every bow was trained on the boy who burst through the bush. Most everyone quickly identified him as a lost boy but one arrow was still loosed. Ella turned it to a pile of leaves and they leisurely pelted the boy in the face. He walked up to Ella looking pale and shaking at the prospect of almost being shot.

“Mother, Pan sent me to tell you he needs you to leave your boys with Felix and come meet him. He says to bring Trick. Luther and Reagan have requested an audience.”

Ella looked at Felix with words on her lips, but he merely nodded and Ella let the other boy (Roadrunner?) lead her back to Pan. She and Trick had to run to keep up with him. When she arrived Pan quickly dismissed the boy and put Trick in charge of the rest. He pulled Ella with him to the side.

“What’s going on?”

“Regan and Luther. Remember I said they were boys that left and grew up? This is them. They have two sorcerers and have asked for and audience with the leaders of Neverland.”

“So you wanted me?” She asked confusedly. She’d only been here for a month? Less?

“You’re their Mother, Ella.” He said nodding in the direction of the boys. “You have as much power here as any, as me.”

“Oh.”

“They may have the squid ink. We’re not going to get close to them; we’ll have to speak in shouts. If anything is shot toward you don’t magic it just move, or run. You’ll see Lu and Ray coordinating this negotiation, but pay attention to his new hired help, if there is a fight they will be our greatest adversaries. He’ll ask for the flowers up front but we can’t give it to him. Make sure you anything you have to say is said with authority, don’t look at me like I’m your superior. They don’t know you so they won’t know how to react.” He was speaking fast and Ella was nodding along to his words.

“Okay let’s go, I’ve got archers in the trees. They’ll cover us if things go awry.”

They walked out together. Ella saw the ship from her vision up close and it made her want to shiver, but she held it down. There were four people standing together on the white sand of Mermaid Lagoon. It quickly became obvious who was a charmcaster and who was a former lost boy. Two of the men were talking to each other with their heads bent. One had rich brown hair that curled around his head. The other had sandy blonde hair with a full-fledged beard; he stood a few inches below the other man. Both were wearing simple sailing clothes. Another man was there as well, he had dark skin and blonde hair, he looked at her and his eyes were white. Ella could sense something primordial about him, but didn’t understand what it meant. There was one woman with them and she was dressed In red and black, a red gown with pick ups along the bottom that went high in the front but not in the back. The black lacey corset was done up over that. She was very pale and her hair was dark. She had her hands on her hips where her nails were long pointed and red contrasting with the black on the corset of her dress.

“Is she the one that killed Carlyle?” Ella asked Pan.

“Yes.” His voice was vibrating in anger, and Ella couldn’t blame him. She felt hate flare inside her.

Danger was written all over the small group. Ella couldn’t help thinking that she and Pan didn’t look nearly as frightening, but also that that wasn’t particularly a bad thing. The two, sailors looked up at them as they drew nearer.

“Pan!” The blonde one exclaimed, his voice rising in false pleasure. He spread his arms wide “At last.”

Ella and Pan stopped about four meters from the little posse. The charmcasters were on either side of the two men.

“Luther.” Pan said coldly

Ella took a breath as he two groups faced each other, waiting for what would come next.


	12. Battle Strategy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella and Pan take the lead in defending their home from the invaders

**Chapter 12: Battle Strategy**

The man with the beard stepped forward, his head tilted to the side like an animal inspecting something unusual.  When he spoke it was as if every word was being savored on his lips. “My dear Pan, I thought you weren’t going to show.” He smiled chillingly. “Almost bet _Lady Luck_ on it.” He turned his head to look at Ella. “Who’s the princess? A bit against island policy if I remember right? What do you think Ray?”

The curly haired brunette nodded thoughtfully, looking Ella over like a commonplace object.

“Oh Pan,” he said “Just letting anyone in these days are we?” He cocked an eyebrow at Pan, a knowing smirk on his face. Ella thought she could fell Pan fuming, but maybe that was her.

“Hey,” She barked out getting their attention. “If you called us here to insult us this is a waste of time and you waste light hours with your senseless words. I am Ella, and the fact that you don’t know this is a testament to just how long you have been gone. Things may not be as you remember. So if you called us here to negotiate, by all mean’s continue, or let us skip the pleasantries.” She didn’t know where it came from exactly but the words were pouring out of her mouth in a biting tone. She cast a glance at Pan careful to make it seem conspiratorial and not as if she were seeking his approval. He had his brows arched and there was a smirk on his face, his eyes darted to hers before refocusing back on Luther and Reagan. Ella followed his example.

Ella’s tirade did seem to have set them off a little, not unduly but at least enough that their cocky demeanor was fading.

“Fine.” Luther said. “You know why we’ve come. Give us the starflowers and we will leave.”

“No, I don’t think so.” Said Pan and Ella had to force herself to keep her eyes on the group in front of her. He voice had completely changed. It was dark, menacing and biting like a winter chill; it made her want to shiver.

“You’re a fool, Pan.” Luther spat at him.

“I am not the one waging war here, Lu. I am not the one who turned my back on my family. This island is for the lost ones, for the young. You are neither.”

“We didn’t know what would happen!” Regan screamed out suddenly. “You’re the one responsible for what happened to us.”

“I warned you that after a certain time, you could never belong here again, I gave you your names as you left. I wished you wouldn’t have left. The boys and I mourned you!”

“Lies! You never loved us!” he raised his voice “You still don’t love them you don’t know what it means!”

“No wonder you can’t survive outside of this island.” Ella said and they all looked toward her. “You can’t grow up inside, can you? You need to let this place go. There can still be lives for you out there. There can still be magic, the magic you believed in before Neverland and before Pan. Remember when peace and sunlight and laughter were magic. Something that won’t even shine for you anymore isn’t going to make you happy.” She had unconsciously walked forward. Luther and Reagan were both listening with a looks of both awe and desperation on their features. “We can’t be your family anymore, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find one, that you can’t make one. I know you have suffered pain, and I know what it’s like to suffer pain.” She looked each of them in the eye, looking for humanity. “What if I went back with you?” She asked.

“Ella no!” Pan said. He started forward but she waved him back.

“I could come and make sure you find families, that you wouldn’t be alone.” She held out her hand. “What do you say?”

There was a silence as she looked at the two men who were no more than boys, and they at her. Ray was the first to move; slowly he extended his hand toward Ella’s. Luther grabbed his arm’s not looking away from Ella.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “It’s not good enough.”

He pulled Reagan’s sword from where it hung on his hip, raised it high and brought it down where Ella was standing. Ella had seconds to react and she was ready. But then arms wrapped around her and she saw blue and she was no longer on the beach. She was now in the woods, her arm was still out stretched in front of her. She let it drop and looked back at Pan who was still holding her.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I had to try.”

“I know, why do you think I needed you there? I’m just sorry that what’s to come could not have been avoided.”

In the distance she could hear Luther screaming.

“THERE WILL BE WAR! AND THIS TIME WE WILL NOT LOOSE!”

“Where are we?” Ella asked Pan.

“The forest that lines the shore.”

Ella turned and crawled on her stomach until she could see the beach again. There were men running off of the ship now, laden with weapons. There had to be at least 100, likely more. Arrows were raining down on the beach now as the lost boys had opened fire as soon as Ella and Pan had disappeared. The charmcaster woman was deflecting them to either side. Luther had pulled out his own sword now. To the other charmcaster he said, “Find them Lazarus! Find them and bring them to me!” The Charmcaster, Lazarus, bowed his head in a long nod. He crouched low to the ground and threw his head back in a howl that was more animal than it was human. He shifted his skin until he was a hideous white creature. He had thick hind legs and long arms. His spine had arched and he had doubled in size, small nubby spikes lined his back. He had grown a snout and his head had gone smooth and bald. He had ivory tusks and razor sharp teeth. He sniffed a few times and his still pure white eyes looked directly where Pan and Ella were hiding. A black snakelike tongue darted out from between his jagged teeth. Ella’s eyes widened.

“Pan we have to move. I’ll go back to my group.” She said spreading her wings and drawing her sword. “Is there a faster way we can keep in contact?” She asked.

He nodded. _If you concentrated we can talk like this, no matter where we are on the island._ His words reverberated in her mind. She tried to replicate the effect.

_Like this?_

_Yes, go I’ll try to lead the creature astray._

_Be careful._

She and Pan flew off as the creature charged into the forest. On the beach the other charmcaster had started lobbing fire balls into the trees, having discovered that’s where the lost boys had been hiding. Feeling her stomach drop Ella found her group of boys again and braced herself for the destruction they would soon have to face. The question was which side would invoke the destruction, and which would be the receiving side?

 

            Ella Spotted Felix and landed beside him. He had his bow and was shooting at the on coming men. Things were not yet very heated as the men were falling into the traps that had been laid along the sands. She could hear men yelling and boys shouting. Could hear fires burning and arrows whizzing threw the air. She saw her boys running as if in slow motion. And then there was no noise, and she sprang into action. The charmcaster in red was lobbing fire right on top of them. Ella had her wings carry her to a treetop. She saw the fire heading straight for her and put out her hands. Every airborne fireball then changed direction and headed back for the beach. She focused on the flames caught in the leaves of the trees and coaxed them out of existence. The fire was gone. She looked back at the woman in red and could see her fuming, literally. Ella waved at her tauntingly from her place in the trees. The charmcaster summoned another fireball and Ella doused her in water. The charmcaster screamed in frustration and drew her sword, pushing her own men out of the way to get into the fray.

            Ella swiftly jumped back to the ground. One of the boys ran into her and fell down. His pursuer tried to take a swipe at Ella but she turned his sword into a boa constrictor, and left him to fight his own battle. She pulled the other boy to his feet and reunited him with the other boys. Ella worried about what had happened to the creature from the beach.

 _Pan, do you see that creature?_ She asked in her mind. The men at the shore loosed a volley of arrows. She put up a wall of energy and they bounced off.

“Felix!” She shouted hoping he would understand. He signaled to the other boys to release their volley of arrows in response. Their arrows broke through the wall, while it deflected three more enemy volleys. The men started to retreat and the boys cheered, but Ella’s heart sank. _They’re going to charge Pan’s forces all at once,_ she thought with dread.

 _PAN!_ She shouted across their mental channel.

 _Ella?_ Came the confused reply.

_Who else? The beast Pan, do you know where it is?_

_I see the creature we’re trying_ \- She cut across him.

_They are all charging toward the flowers, right now. If the creature’s over there too than you need our help._

_Ella-_

_Show me where he is._ Pan sent her the image of the white beast throwing aside lost boys; she could see Home Mountain behind him. They wouldn’t be able to run over and help protect the way to the starflowers with the beast in the way.

“Boys get in a circle, actually make that two circles, hand-to-hand in the middle and the archers on the outside around them. Inner circle join hands, outer grab onto one of their shoulders.” She quickly arranged them in that way. “Pan needs our help, I’m going to put us back into the fray and your going to break here,” She indicated where Felix stood. “And reform the lines, got it?” There was general nodding. “Okay brace yourself.” She gripped the shoulders of the two boys next to her and sent magic into the web of interconnected lost boys. She knew where they needed to be, and she could get them there. She felt something in her gut and she all of a sudden felt dizzy. She fell to the ground, and struggled to get up and assess their situation. She heard the clatter of battle but she was so out of breath. She rolled over onto her knees and her head spun wild. Too much, maybe it was too much. She dug her fingers into the soft dirt of the forest floor and tried to get air into her lungs. All of a sudden she felt her breathing level, her worn muscles felt strong again and the pit in her gut where magic came from once again seemed full. She frowned and almost looked round for Pan, but then noticed the faint green light where her fingers had dug into the ground. She stared at it a moment then smiled and leaned forward to kiss the ground.

“Thank you Neverland. I will protect you.”

She returned to her feet and rejoined the battle felling more powerful than ever.

 

Pan flew over his boys keeping his eyes open for the creature. As predicted, half of the men stormed Ella’s forces plus one charmcaster. Luther and Ray headed for Pan’s side of the island but the didn’t yet join in the battle. They let their men swarm forward. Most of Pan’s archers had been in the trees for the talk on the beach and now they were right in the line of fire. They had taken down quite a few men but now they were trapped. Pan’s first job was to get them out of there. He went to the ones in the front by the shorelines that were already swarmed with men. He raised a level of sand to make a temporary wall between the men and his boys in the trees further back and gave them time to escape. Once all the lost boys were out of the way he toppled the wall onto the oncoming men burying them for a moment. Back in the air he saw traces of white; they needed to take Lazarus down. He landed next to The Twins who he had left in charge.

“Have you got things under control here?” They nodded, identical smirks that screamed mischief plastered on their faces. One hefted a knotted club and the other a long sword.  Split your hand-to-hand in half, half for you and half for me. We need to hunt this creature before it hunts us. The nodded and pretty soon Pan was leading his small group of boys against the beast. They had ropes, and the plan was to tie it down so they could kill it. Pan was fairly certain things were not going to go down like that, but something needed to be done. He really needed to keep it away from Ella and her boys and from Pan’s small group protecting the Starflowers. He heard a thump and Pan crouched low signaling the other boys to do the same.

“Stop.” He said to them lightly. They all did, no one dared move. There was such stillness that nobody breathed, nobody blinked.

But the beast still charged at them through the green foliage of the forest. Two of the boys wasted no time, looping the rope around its hind legs. It growled, as its hind legs were pulled of from beneath him and struck at the two boys with his tail. Pan charged the head flashing magic in its eyes, which caused him to rear back in pain. His long black tongue shot toward Pan with accuracy that he should no longer have after Pan blinded him. He rolled to the side and trying to seal the beast’s mouth shut with magic. The boys took advantage of the opportunity and roped his front legs pulling them out from under him. The beast still head his head trained in Pan direction, like a snake, guided not by sight but smell. He moved in one fluid motion and pulled his legs free; they boys couldn’t hold him. He pounced on top of Pan. 

 _Ssstupid child!_ It growled _. This form doesn’t feed on flesh, it can if I wisssh it but I crave sssomething much much sssweeter_. It laughed deep and menacing and it made Pan’s skin crawl. Even worse still was the silence it made to whisper into _. I feed on fear dear boy._ It said _, yours shall indeed be something I cherish!_

Pan’s reality changed before his eyes.

_The beach was littered with bodies. All the lost boys, even the little ones they had kept safe in Home Mountain were strewn across the shores. Neverland was painted red and Pan was left alive, barely, to bare witness. Jaquelin tossed fire into the trees and there was no one left to stop her from burning all that green to ash. Pan could hardy breath and he knew he was going to die too. He heard a scream and turned his head in the direction of the noise. The white beast walked up to Lu and Ray. In his mouth, wounded and screaming was Ella. She cried and hit at the creature and screamed. She kept calling him, and yet he could do nothing._

_“Pan! Help me! Please!” She was going to die. She was going to die and al Peter Pan could do is watch. How could this be real?_

**_“PAN!”_ **

How could this be real?

Peter’s eye’s snapped open. That one call was real, one amidst all others and if was enough to bring him back. He reared back for Lazarus and magically tied the ropes to nearby trees, once again trying to help the lost boys subdue him. Pan’s heart was going a million miles per hour. Had that really been,

 _Ella?_ He asked tentatively

 _Who else? The beast Pan, do you know where it is?_ He huffed a sigh of relief

 _I see the creature we’re trying_ \- She cut across him.

_They are all charging toward the flowers, right now. If the creature’s over there too than you need our help._

_Ella-_ He tried to argue.

 _Show me where he is._ Pan sent her the image of the white beast in front of him, throwing aside lost boys. She didn’t reply. She needed to stay where she was.

Him and the boys continued to trade blows with the creature. They were giving it superficial wounds and more or less just making it mad. All of this further complicated by the fact that the black blood he bled, stung like acid. Pan bent trees down making a cage for the beast. The boys roped him into place and he was finally trapped. Pan smiled raised his sword and thrust it down into the beast’s head. But he never hit his mark. The beast had shrunk back into a man and fled after flashing Pan a smirk. Pan started to pursue Lazarus when he heard a shout from the forest where his boys were set up.

“Drive them from the forest! Put them back on the beach!”

He knew it was Ella. How did she get over on this side of the island? Were her boys with her? Who was guarding Home Mountain? He growled in frustration and rallied his boys back to their position between the beach and the Starflowers.

When he arrived he saw two half- circles or archers, and hand-to-hand’s running all over the place.

“Ella what are you doing here?” He asked her.

“Coordinating an attack while you took care of the beast.” She said as if it were the simplest thing on the planet.

“Who is defending home?”

“There’s no on to defend it from, Pan. They’re all attacking here.”

“Empty!” One of the archers called. Ella grabbed a hand full of leaves from one of the bushes. The leaves were about as long as her arm, she blew on them and they changed from their flexible green form into solid rock.

Another boy ran in looking out of breath.

“Hold!” Ella called as soon as she saw him.

“They’re rounded up in the east.” The boy wheezed at her

“Left ready!” Ella called raising her hands and shaking back her sleeves like a conductor. “Fire!” All the boys from the left semi- Circle let their arrows fly eastward. They flew high and Pan was frowning in confusion until Ella closed her palms and twisted her arms inward. The arrows turned into snakes and reigned down on the men at the beach.

“Clever.” He commented and Ella smiled at him.

“The hand-to-hand’s are getting them out of the forest.” Just then Felix came up to her

“The East forest is clear, or as clear as it’s going to get.” He told her.

“Pan can you put up a wall between the east and the beach? We just need to corral them on the beach.” Pan nodded and left to do so. He put up a sand barrier and fired it so that it would stand. When he got back to Ella she told him to go ahead and do the same in the west. When he came back this time all the lost boys wee gathered. Archers had moved to the back. He made his way to Ella who was in the very front where yet another wall.

“We’re gonna tear it down and charge. The archers still need a hill. One of us will have to stay in the back. You want the front or the rear?”

“Front.” She nodded at him. There was a pause for a moment

Then two

Three

“Go.” She said, quietly. Pan tore down the wall.


	13. Price of Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something goes terribly wrong

**Chapter 13: Price of Conflict**

            Pan tore down the wall and the boys charged. The battle had shifted now; Neverland could win this. But there was something in her gut, nagging at Ella as her boys ran past her into battle. Something was wrong. The boys charged past her. Something was very wrong. She raised the hill for the archers once the hand-to-hands ran by. She spotted Felix tearing down men without even sparring them a glance. He was looking to Jaquelin, she stood behind their men and was losing blasts of magic into the crowd of lost boys. Ella growled and threw up her hands creating a field of protection around the boys at the front of the battle. Things quickly swayed in favor of the lost boys when the men could no longer land strikes on the boys. They were going to win, they were driving them back, they could win and no one would get hurt.

Then something went very wrong.

“Charge!” A small voice called. Actually it was a few small voices. Ella’s heart dropped so fast she swore she could hardly breathe. The smaller boys had come down from Home Mountain. They were trying to attack the flank of Luther and Reagan’s small army. Ella had to get them out of here.

“Felix!” She looked to him and saw that he was so close to Jaquelin now, so close to his revenge for Carlyle. _Come on Felix,_ She willed him in her mind. _Your brothers need us. I can’t do it alone._ As though he had heard her thoughts, Felix growled and wrenched himself away from his current path and headed toward the boys. She turned to find Trick. He was right next to her. Upon seeing the panic in there face he nodded and they ran. They were so close now, but it seemed they weren’t the only ones who realized the boys now. Ella spotted Lazarus in the crowd, standing in his human form, and he turned to face her. His white eyes seemed to mock her as he gave her a small smirk. He shifted back into his beastly form and charged the little lost boys.

Ella ran as fast as she could and threw up a shield for her boys. The beast bounced off of it, and it bought them the smallest window of time.

“Boys! I need you to go around the sand wall, follow it until you reach the archers. Now!” To her relief most of them listened to her, more than half of them. But still there were some who stayed.  “Go now!” She shouted. Trick was herding them behind the wall.

“No mom, we came to help you we can fight!” She turned around to see Darius with a short sword in his hand standing a good few feet away from her. She opened her mouth to reply but the beast finally succeeded in breaking through her magic. She heard the field shatter like glass and the world slowed as she saw what was happening and yet couldn’t do a thing to stop it. The creatures’ muscles tensed and he pounced, maw open. He charged right for Darius.

“NO!” She screamed. Lazarus sank in his teeth and Darius’s small form went limp.

“No.” She whispered. Her vision blurred as her eyes stung with tears. She fell to her knees and her body went cold. She might have screamed she can’t quite remember. I’ll she could hear for the moment was her echoing lie to Darius so many day’s earlier: _I’ll protect you_.

 _That’s right child._ The creature hissed in her mind. _You lied to him! Now I claim him as mine. There is nothing a pathetic thing like you can do about it. I will feed on his flesh as I feed on your fear!_

**NO!**

She screamed it in her mind and out loud. She made her throat raw with the sound that tore out of her. Her sorrow turned to anger as she looked up at the beast. The ground started to shake.

Ella willed the land around her to make the beast pay, pay for what he had done. The sand started to swirl amidst the mini earthquake Ella had created. From the sand a hand formed, and it reached out to the thing that hovered over her son. Ella realized it was her hand. However she moved, it moved. She grabbed the creature in a fist and squeezed. She squeezed him until he could no longer contain his beastly form and turned back into a man. Ella squeezed him and she felt an energy with in him that she was determined to extinguish. She pulled the magic from his soul and she could see fear on the thing that feasted on fear. She caught his blank gazed and smashed her fist to the ground. Lazarus disappeared beneath the sands of Neverland.

Ella was breathing hard. She scrambled to her feet and over to where Darius lay in a pool of his own blood.

“No, no, no.” She sobbed. She pushed the hair back from his face. He was still breathing, barely just barely.

“Pan!” She screamed, not knowing and not caring where he was. She didn’t know how to heal Darius. She needed Pan.

“Mmmom?” Darius breathed. The small sound made Ella’s heart break. She sobbed, but angrily wiped away the tears. She kissed his forehead and stroked his hair.

“I’m here my son. I’m here.” She grabbed his hand, shaking badly. She looked away from the blood and in to his small face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She sobbed over and over again.

“Its okay momma.” He looked up at her. His small brown eyes still some how incredibly bright. “Don’t let the bad guys win.” He told her.

“Okay.” She nodded and leaned over to press her forehead against his. “But I need you by my side okay?”

“I made you something.” He raised a hand to his neckline and pulled at a string. Ella helped him pull it free. There was a small jaggedly carved heart pendant on the string.

“It’s beautiful.” She sniffed. “Thank you.”

“Ella.” That startled Ella because it was Pan’s voice. She looked up and saw him there, kneeling by Darius. There was sorrow in his face. Why was he so sad? He was here now, he could heal her son.  He would have to be…

Pan closed Darius’s eyes. It can’t be. She would have tried to swipe his hands away but she was frozen where she was. It cannot be.

“Ella he’s gone.”

No

* * *

 Pan could feel that awful thing unfurl in his chest that was always present in the face of tragedy. He looked into Ella’s blotchy red face shining with tears and something inside of him broke. Her hair was falling out of her braid and into her face, Pan thought she looked quite beautiful and felt guilty for sparing time for the thought. He reached down and pulled the necklace Darius was wearing over his head.

“Ella.” He called for the third time since closing Darius’s eyes. She looked up at him finally. He slipped the charm over her head. She looked at him so numb and so lost. Her tears never stopped.

“It’s over Ella.” Her eyes shifted automatically taking in the battle still happening around her.

“Don’t let the bad guys win.” She mumbled, closing her eyes and pressing her lips together in a very pained expression.

“What?” He asked quirking an eyebrow.

She didn’t reply but leaned over, kissed Darius on the brow and got to her feet. Pan could see she was shaking. She took a step forward and the ground began to shake like before. Her fists were balled at her sides. Her body was clenched in pain. Another step and the wind began to blow. Step. The skies clouded and grayed. She walked into the clash of boys and men. Anyone who posed a threat to her boys was hit with a blast of magic. She grabbed them out of their fights like disobedient puppies and hit them with force they couldn’t compete with. The lost boys she saved stopped fighting and looked instead at her tear streaked and sorrowful face. They reveled in the fact that she was so fierce and strong.

“Fall back!” Pan shouted, and the order traveled across the boys quite quickly. Everyone that could, got out of Ella’s way. Ella pulled another man off of a Lost boy and smacked him in the chest so hard he barely skidded to a stop on the water front. Pan’s eyes widened as he saw a yellow light creep up Ella’s form. At first he thought it was a magical attack, but then he noticed the way it pulsed as she walked. Was it- could it possibly be… Neverland?

Jaquelin sensing danger had set her arms on fire. She walked into Ella’s path and Ella didn’t even flinch. Jaquelin screamed and tossed fire at Ella, but she waved it away. With her hands still at her side she twisted her palms upward. Sand, grain by grain, crept up Jaquelin’s form. It spiraled around her and attacked the flames she conjured until they did not reignite. Soon the land consumed her, as it had her lover. The men were just running now, Luther and Reagan among them. Ella outstretched both arms, one for each man. They came flying backward through the air, kicking their arms and legs as they were dragged by the unseen magic. Their men didn’t spare a backward glance.

The two once lost boys were pinned on their backs, one on each side of Ella.

“ ** _This is your fault_**.” She said slowly, her voice layered and distorted with the power she was wielding from the island. “ ** _Now you must pay for the chaos you have wrought._** ”

Reagan and Luther cried out at the same time. They’re bodies were pinned flat against the sand. The same piercing yellow light that was surrounding Ella was creeping though every vein in their bodies. They tried to fight it but the could barely move, except to toss their heads and scream. The light enveloped them and they were overcome by the magic. They burst into fractions of light and energy, which quickly faded away, like a sacrifice back into the land.

The rest of the men were already on the ship, trying hard the get away. But Ella could not let them. Whatever was driving her right now, it worked in absolutes. She walked to the shore where the water lapped at her shoes. She had her head bent and wasn’t even facing the ship. Water snaked from the seas upward. It rose in five pillars on each side of the ship, each one at least two people wide and taller than the highest mast on the ship. Ella looked up at the pillars and slowly they caved inward, constricting and pulling as they faded back to their place in the deep blue water.

Pan ran forward as he saw Ella start to sway. Her legs gave out and forced her to kneel, and then she slumped down onto her side. Pans arms were instantly around her, pulling her to lean on his lap.

“Now it’s over.” She whispered and curled into Pan’s chest. He held her as she began to sob once more. The boys soon surrounded them to comfort their crying mother and mourn their truly lost brother.

 


	14. The Next Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella copes with the loss of her son

**Chapter 14: The Next Step**

It had been twelve days since the _Lady Luck_ had disappeared for good. Twelve days since Ella saved her family. Twelve days of quiet mourning. Twelve days without sweet little Darius. The days were longer here and it felt as if many months had passed in such a short time. Peter was starting to worry (as if he hadn’t been before). He heard Ella cry every night now. He had moved her closer to him and farther from the boys, trying to offer comfort when he could and waking her up from her new stream of nightmares. Tonight was new different.

            He entered her room and saw her uneasy fidgeting form underneath her covers. He sat on the edge of her bed listening to her whimper. She was curled into on herself and her face was scrunched up in pain. Peter found himself missing her smile. He put out a hand pushing her hair back from her face.

“Ella, wake up.” She shot upright taking a breath as if her lungs were starved of air and her now open eyes were very distant. “It’s okay, it wasn’t real I’m here.” He murmured to her until her frame relaxed and she slumped forward into his arms. Her fingers grazed his arm and Peter had to force himself not to move away. She was cold as ice and had been since That Day. He fixed the blankets around her. That was another thing. Neverland’s victory wasn’t celebrated. They didn’t name the battle, they didn’t praise Ella (at least not in the heroic warrior way), and they didn’t even really speak of it. It was only referred to as That Day. That cold and awful day. Darius had been buried near where the water of Neverland had pooled, where Ella had once drank in the magic. It had been Ella’s idea. Every boy went there to pay his respects. There was a cloud over Peter’s Island, over his people. It made his stomach fold much the same way it would if he were falling. His realm was in despair and for once, there was nothing he could do to fix it. He looked down at the girl who could, gently holding onto her carefully carved heart necklace.

“Ella.” He practically sighed the name and Ella guiltily looked up into his defeated face.

“I know.” She said quickly and then repeated the words back again slowly, building up to the conversation they’ve been avoiding. “I know.”

“It wasn’t like this when my brother died.” She said defensively, even though she had to know Peter would never condemn her for… well just about anything. He looked her in the eye, hoping he might finally break through her shell.

“Why?”

“I never failed my brother.”

“You didn’t fail-”

“Oh really? You saw the power I had at my hands. I wiped over a hundred men out of _existence_ but I couldn’t do a damned thing to save him!” She screamed at him. “It’s my fault he’s not here anymore. I promised him I would protect him. I promised!” She was crying again and Peter pulled her close, feeling her salty tears seep into the fabric of his sleeve.

“I want to move on. I know I need to, but how can I when this is on me? I can’t do this to another boy, I can’t.” She shook her head and slumped back onto Peter.

“You won’t.” He stated simply as her sobs faded into soft little hiccups.

“How do you know?” She sniffed.

“You learn from experience, as awful as it sounds. You love every boy out there as much as you did Darius. You have so much to offer them. Darius would want Neverland to still have a mother you know. You’re not really the only one like this. You can be a light in this darkness.”

“It is dark.” She replied feebly and Peter gave a half smile.

“Maybe that’s because you haven’t left your room in a week.” Peter said shoving her lightly as she nodded tiredly. Seeing his opportunity Peter detangled himself from Ella and stood. “Get dressed. We’ll go for a walk. I’ll be outside.” He stepped out of her room and sat on the edge of Home Mountain’s inner circle as he waited. She came out some long minutes later. Her hair was drawn back and she was wearing a white dress that went down to her feet with a lacy black shawl. The fairies had returned and Ella got a great many new clothes from them, including her full black dress that she had worn to the funeral. Peter offered her a hand and she took it. There weren’t many boys in sight. The younger ones were down by the beach; luckily they didn’t quite understand what had happened there. The older ones whose eyes followed them hopefully faded away at Pan’s signal.

Ella walked slowly and carefully as if she were about to stumble into a world she didn’t understand. Pan felt her squeeze his hand as the walked through the archway into the forest. Slowly but surely he saw Ella’s scrunched and tense shoulders ease down. The further they got into the forest the more she seemed to unravel. She held his hand with her left and with her right explored the ­–perhaps forgotten– surfaces of the forest. Pan noticed she had closed her eyes. In the light of the sun he could see how dark her skin had gone around her eyes. Her cheeks were shiny with dried tears. Pan wondered not for the first time, how something so unmade could be so beautiful. His mind flashed back to That Day, with her standing in the midst of her own storm, her eyes betraying how broken she was, but she stood up tall and did what she knew she had to do. If anyone could find strength in her weakness, it was Ella. That’s why even with it being so dark right now he had hopes Ella would pull through.

He let Ella pull him along wherever she felt like she needed to go. She seemed to be getting better just from being out on the island. They passed close to the beach and Ella stopped in her tracks and opened her eyes, some how knowing where she was. She was looking at a small gash in the dirt. She knelt down next to it, holding her open flat palm over it. Pan noticed the hollow was about the size of her fist. She traced around the little crater.

“I saw that energy here first.” She said quietly and Pan knelt down to better here her. “They were going to hit your side while you were fighting Lazarus. I transported all my boys over here.” Pan felt his eyes go wide at the thought of Ella doing that by herself. “I felt so dizzy when we arrived I fell down and I thought I wasn’t going to get back up. But I couldn’t let that happen. That light reached out to me.” She put the backs of her fingers together and indicated her abdomen. “It touched me, and I was able to get up again…” She trailed off into silence. She picked up a smoothed black stone from a side of the crater and held it close in her hand. There was nothing very significant about it but she treated it like a treasure. They stayed there until whatever moment was there had passed when Ella moved to stand and Pan helped her to her feet and they continued on. They walked around the whole island and still they ended up at the falls.

Darius’s Grave stood at the far left of the pool marked by simple stone gravestone Ella had made for him. She glanced at Pan and then walked over to the too small grave. She sat by his side, her lips pressed together in a straight line.

“I didn’t let the bad guys win.” She whispered. She opened her palm with the pebble inside. “And they wont ever get to you again.” Pan watched as she took the pebble in her cupped hands and dipped into the water until she pulled back the water and the pebble and it rolled together until she had a small orb of water with the stone at the center floating above her palm. With a wave of her fingers she added an outer layer of soil before cupping her concoction in her two hands once more. The ground dipped for her as she breathed a little magic into the orb and set it next to Darius’s grave. A green root sprouted up immediately. For the first time since That Day, Pan saw Ella smile, even if it was just a small one. The sprout was gradually growing, getting taller and taller adding leaves as it went. Ella took a leaf between her fingers caressing it and the plant expanded until it was nearly covering Darius’s grave. It sprouted flowers that had bright red petals that looked a lot like lilies but with as many petals as the starflowers. Pan saw that it sprouted thorns as well and he reached his hand out toward one of them, but Ella grabbed his hand with strength one would not expect from so young a girl.

“Don’t.” She said

“Why not?” Pan asked, raising a brow.

“They’re poison.”

“Then how do you expect to get back to his grave? Or at the rate it’s growing, to the water?” Ella plucked one of the flowers and turned it upside down into her open hand. An absurd amount of yellow pollen fell into her hand and she rubbed it on her fingers. When she reached out toward the gravestone, the vines recoiled and allowed her through until she was touching the letters carved there.

_Darius_

_My hero. Our Hero._

She didn’t think the words sis justice but how could she grasp the life of someone like her son in set words? She couldn’t. She leaned against Pan and he put his arm around her shoulders. They had spent the whole day wandering and it was getting late. Campfire time.

“Come on Pan. Let’s go see what are boys are up too.”

Pan’s smile was so wide Ella found herself genuinely and broadly smiling. As they walked away the vines reclaimed the place of her son and she took comfort knowing he could once again be safe.


	15. Fireflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella helps a boy who is afraid of the dark and get used to normal life again after the war

Chapter 15: Fireflies

The boys were overjoyed to have Ella back. They played songs just for her and it was deep into the night straight into, and then through the day until it was once again dark. Their celebration had them fast asleep by the second nightfall. Ella found herself lying with her head against a log surrounded by slumbering lost boys. One whose name was Kyle was asleep under her arm. He had platinum blonde hair that stuck up in the front and seemed eyes that seemed to take up most of his face. The other boys called him Bones because he was so skinny and tall. He didn't mind. He was too happy a child to get upset at something like that. But he was curled up into Ella's side at the moment for a particular reason: Kyle was afraid of the dark.

Ella offered him comfort lulling him into the sleep she herself was unable to find. He puttered away softly into her side as she stared up into the darkness that terrified him so. It wasn't actually that uncommon among the boys. The dark was a symbol of the unknown and in a way Ella understood how it was so easy to fear. But that didn't mean there was no solution for it. She smiled to herself a smile forming on her lips.

Footfalls indicated to her that Pan was approaching. She turned to him her wry smile still in place. He raised an eyebrow, silently asking why. She gently put her fingers on Kyle's back.

"He's afraid of the dark." She said. Pan nodded.

"Most of the smaller ones are. Sometimes it goes away but sometimes…" He trailed off.

"I have an idea." He smiled.

"How can I help?"

"Well," She looked at the sleeping Bones. "I think I'm going to stay here tonight. But tomorrow I want you to show me how to make light." He nodded. Ella laid her head back against the log but it was terribly uncomfortable. Pan sat next to her and pulled her head to rest of his chest. She let out her breath feeling her body relax greatly. She felt Pans breathing at her back and Kyle's by her side. She calmed knowing people she loved surrounded her. Eventually she felt her eyes close and for the fist time since That Day, she actually got peaceful sleep.

* * *

 Pan held a small blue orb in his hand and Ella was studying it as best she could with him tossing it around like a hacky sack. She let out a half-hearted groan and Pan laughed.

"Ella, after all you've done you can surely make some light. Just try it." She gave him a look that was meant to convey frustration, but judging by the way he smiled it didn't work all that well. She faced her palms toward each other with all her fingers splayed out. She closed her eyes and imagined the light around her swirling into a ball like Pan had showed her. Her hands suddenly warmed and she opened her eyes to find that there was a ball of light hovering between her hands. She moved it back and forth as she had seen Pan do. Fairly sure this one had been a success she extinguished it to try again.

"Why are you even going through all this trouble?" Pan asked. "What ever you're planning I think you'll be able to do it." He sounded nonchalant about it and it made Ella uneasy. She only had access to all that power when she was so deeply engrossed in emotion that she couldn't act with her mind; She just acted with the land, with her one home to make things right again.

She didn't want that anymore. She wanted to be passionate and in control at the same time. She wanted to do this for Kyle and the others who feared the darkness, but this time she was going to work from the bottom up. Maybe she had been quiet to long because Pan seemed to sense what she was feeling. Suddenly her threw his light at her. She tried to dodge it, stepping to the right but it hit her in the arm. An uncomfortably warm feeling enveloped her but it faded as fast as it came.

"Peter!" She shouted accusingly. He smiled at her in return opening his arms wide. Ella took the invitation and launched her orb at him. He jumped up so that he could fly to safety but not before Ella's light hit him the chest. From above he conjured new light and dropped it down toward Ella. She too quickly took to the sky as well and made a light in each of her hands. She launched one at Pan and when he moved to avoid it launched the other.

A small war broke out and soon Pan and Ella's whoops of laughter brought some of the boys to the fight. Pan and Ella quickly armed them. Ella's light was yellow and it clashed colorfully with Pan's green light. Even in mid day their small battle brought light. It continued until Ella and Pan finally collapsed next to each other exhausted and the boys scouted for light that had gone unused.

"Do you think that was enough practice?" Pan asked turning his head form where he lay to look at Ella. She turned her head to him and laughed. She took his hand in her own. What would I do without Peter Pan? She asked herself. She looked at the boy beside her, with a smile that stretched across his face, his brown-blonde curls framing his brow, his too-big ears that stuck out, his long neck, and his tattered clothes. She sat there and for the first time perhaps took in everything she could about Peter Pan. The boy who had saved her from the despair of another life. The boy who showed her that she had magic in her all along. The boy who was set with worry when she strained herself using magic. The one who had treated her as his equal as they stood side by side to face their enemy. Who had held her in his arms after she lost her son. Who stayed by her bed and coaxed her from grief. Who knew when she was slipping back into that dark and heavy world, the one meant only for the grown ups, and the one who lighted her heart with light fights between her and her loved ones. How did I ever get by with out you Peter? She thought to herself. She owed him so much and sometimes she forgot that.

"Thank you Peter."

"What for?" He said arching a brow. Ella rolled her head toward the sky. She squeezed his hand bouncing their intertwined fingers lightly against the ground as she mulled over her words.

"Everything." She finally said in truth.

* * *

 

"Bones!" She called. Kyle stood up from where he was sitting with a few others. He came up to about her shoulder, which was fairly small.

"Yeah mom?" he said brightly coming up to her. She draped an arm over his shoulders. "I want you to come with me." She said and he obligingly followed. They walked up the mountain to the Falls of Neverland.

"Do you know how to navigate the Dreamshade?" She asked him, using the name she and Pan had come up with. He shook his head. Ella worried her lower lip. They needed to make sure none of the boys got hit with the needles. It grew further every day. She showed Kyle how to pick the leaves carefully and together they rubbed their arms with the pollen. His eyes grew wide when the bushes receded and he smiled up at Ella.

"Have you been here before?" Ella asked him.

"Only once." He said. Looking at Darius' grave. Ella felt her heart grow heavy. She knelt by the side of the pool, folding her dress beneath her. She had realized that she had taken to wearing them more often. They marked her as the mother, she still wore her casual pants and shirt but she took to the gowns now. The one she had on now was faded blue dark blue at the bottom and white at the top. Where she knelt now it looked as if she might melt away into the water. She waved Kyle over to her.

"You know this water is powerful, yes?"

"Yes." He replied.

"It has many properties, you know. I made the Dreamshade with my magic and watered it from this pool. It helped me get over a fear of mine. I think I have made something that will help you deal with your fear as well. Go to that bucket." She gestured to the bucket that sat a few paces away with a shell sitting next to it. Kyle went over to the bucket and looked at Ella expectantly.

"Fill it, not all the way, we'll have to take it down the mountain." His face fell a little. "Don't worry. I'll help you."

He filled the bucket and floated the shell on the water. It soon sank as he and Ella carried it down the mountain. She led him to a clearing where she had planted the new seed. She altered the magic she had around it she that he could follow her to it. In the ground near the base of the tree was a tiny sprout. She pointed it out to Kyle.

"How is that going to help me?" He said.

"Well it can't yet." She said laughing. "No one's given it any love yet. But you will." She told him. "If you come here and water it once a day until the water in this bucket is gone, it will be ready to bloom. When it is, I'll show you what to do." She smiled at him and he smiled back. He took the shell, filled it, and poured it on the sprout carefully. He poured a second shell full over it and went for a third but Ella stopped him.

"Two a day until the water's gone. Don't forget." She told him.

"I won't forget." He promised.

So Ella let him water it and after many days he came running up to her.

"Mom, it's empty!" He tripped over himself as he came to her. "It's empty!" He declared trying to reestablish his feet beneath him. She smiled and helped him steady himself by grabbing his arms.

"Calm, calm Kyle." She laughed as he looked up to her smiling like a fool. "Does it have buds on it yet?" she asked and he nodded. "How many?"

"Just one." It was near dusk; perfect.

"Go find Pan and bring him to the sprout. Go hurry, before sundown. I'll meet you there."

He smiled and ran off to find Pan.

When he and Pan met up with Ella, the sun was just going down. She sat down and gestured for the others to do the same. Kyle was so excited. As the sun went down the single fat blue bud started to glow it bloomed. There were six petals, three blue and three purple and for a moment it was a beautiful flower. Then the blue petals continued to stretch out ward until they coiled back in on themselves and fell from the plant leaving three pods on the ground. Ella picked them up in her hands and handed one to Kyle and one to Pan.

"What do I do?" Said Kyle.

"Cup it in your hands," She said demonstrating and he mirrored her. "And make a wish."

He looked at Ella for a moment with his great wide eyes. And then he did as she asked. He whispered but Ella still heard him.

_I wish I wasn't afraid of the dark._

The pod in his hands started to glow and expand. He held it out away from his body. He was shocked but not afraid, only curious.

The pod popped straight up out of his hand in a beam of red light and then exploded into at least five other lights that took to the air. They came and fixated around Kevin.

Little tiny fireflies.

Ella looked at the expression of wonder on Kyle's face and whispered to her own pod.

_I wish…_

Hers erupted in purple and they came down from the explosion more lazily. Pan's came in a display of red. A red one landed on her hand and she raised it to her eyes watching it crawl over her skin until it flew away. Ella and Pan's fireflies' left soon but Kyle's stayed with him. He soon left to go show the other boys.

"Don't forget, they'll bloom again tomorrow. For the others who fear the darkness." Ella told him before he left.

Pan laughed softly in the darkness. There were only about three of the fire flies still around. "So, I guess you have a knack for flowers." He said. Ella smiled.

"They're quite versatile."

"What did you wish for?" Pan asked. Ella looked at him for a long time. She wondered if he would tell her we he wished for. She decided it wasn't for her to know.

"It's a secret." She said. They walked back to the fire together. Pan didn't bring it up again.


	16. Part II: Not forever

Part II: The Pan you know

Chapter 16: It's not Forever

Neverland settled into a comfortable rhythm. Ella was mother. She and Pan lead the lost boys. Pan went back to finding children who needed him. Ella finally felt like she belonged. That's not to say it wasn't exciting. Their boys made sure that adventure was sought out and  _every_ time, Ella would get dragged in too. She fight, she discovered and most of all she created. This was how things went for years, for decades, millennia perhaps, but not quite forever…

* * *

Pan looked around the island. He somehow found it within himself to be bemused. This was not the island he once knew. Before Ella, everything was different. Everything. The way the boys played, the connection he felt to this island, the magic coursing through it, the plants that grew, the creatures that roamed, she changed everything. She changed Pan. Pan smiled at that thought. Yes she certainly had changed Pan. And he was so grateful. The island had never been so bright. The boys had never been so happy. She improved the relations between the mermaids and the fairies. She changed the construct of Neverland. Night was no longer something the little ones feared. Flowers and fireflies were one and the same. She and Pan built magic into every crevasse of their land that they could find. These were the best years of his life. He wanted it to last forever…

* * *

He and Ella were sitting by the falls of Neverland as they often did when they wanted to be alone. The boys didn't often come up here even though they knew how to navigate the Dreamshade. Pan couldn't blame them. They were sitting in a comfortable silence, but Pan soon noticed how uneasy Ella looked.

"What is it?" He asked. She looked up startled and her cheeks reddened slightly.

"Nothing." She shook her head feigning ignorance.

"Come on Ella I know you. What's going on?" She bit her lower lip and pulled her knees up to wrap her arms around them.

"I uh, I had a vision…" Pan was wary now. It wasn't like she hadn't had visions, she had them often in fact, but she hadn't treated them like something she was afraid of. She hadn't since the  _Lady Luck._ Pan felt something inside him drop.

"When?" He prompted.

"Its been happening for a few weeks now. It won't come through clear," She looked at him and saw his own worry reflected in her eyes. "It's like I'm only getting half the story."

"Can you- Will you tell me about it?" He asked.

"I um, I need to go and help someone, I think." She said turning to look at the ground. She dug her fingers under the soil and then brought her hand up and let the soil fall back down.

"Who?"

"I don't know. But it's not just one. There are a few of them. And I have to go and find them," as quietly as she can she finishes "By myself."

"What?" Pan felt like he'd been hit of the head. Everything was blurry. Nothing made sense. Ella took a deep breath before meeting his eyes once again. Her hazel brown eyes were watery and her usually strong voice seemed to waver as well. But maybe that was just Pan. What did he know? He didn't know anything. Nothing made sense.

"I have to go back."

Pan swallowed. He felt the ridiculous urge to ask  _back where?_ But he knew where. He wanted to plead to go with her, maybe he could bring the people she needed to help back here instead. But deep inside he knew they couldn't both leave Neverland. He knew whoever needed help didn't need Neverland as a solution. He knew that this conversation was a goodbye of sorts. He was so afraid of the answer but he forced himself to ask.

"For how long?" He wouldn't meet her gaze now. He  _couldn't_ meet her gaze now. He felt her hand on his cheek asking him to look up but he couldn't.

"It won't be forever Pan." He sneaked a glance at her. There was still tightness in his chest though. "I promise you Pan, I'll come home."

Home. Was this her home? In other circumstances he would have smiled with pride. But now wasn't the time. What if she decided to grow up instead? What if she never came back? He felt something slip over his head and saw Darius' heart settle onto his chest. He finally looked up at Ella in surprise. He beautiful eyes were a little red but she smiled at him all the same.

"I promise." She said forcefully. Pan believed her. He brought he into his arms and they both seemed to relax a little.

"When will you leave?" He asked after a pause.

"Soon." Was all she said.

"Well I'm not going to be the one to tell the boys. Nope, nope, nope." Ella giggled softly against his chest.

"Okay."

* * *

A week later Ella was dressed in her brown leggings with her green long sleeve shirt. She had a small bag full of things she thought she might need. Her hands were shaking as she sealed the clasps. Pan had told her that he thought a few decades he passed in her world since she came here. Was she scared? No. She was terrified! She didn't want to leave Neverland. She didn't want to leave Pan. But the images in her head told her she needed to go. Ella was sure if she didn't follow her path that something bad would happen. There was no avoiding prophecies; there was only surviving them. "I'll be back." She said to her empty room. She took a deep breath and left her room at Home Mountain.

Outside Pan and the boys were gathered to say goodbye. She almost wished they hadn't done that. She didn't want to leave them. Every single boy hugged her. The little one's gave her kisses on her cheeks and there were whispers of "I love you mom." Ella did everything she could not to cry. Felix was the last one to say good bye, then there was just Pan. He handed her a vial attached to a leather cord. It was full of a glowing blue potion and Ella raised a questioning brow at him.

"It's, uh in case you can't make it back on your own. Break it open and I'll come and find you. But you have to be careful. It will only work if  _you_ are the one to break it." She nodded and slipped it over her head and into her shirt.

"Do you want me to take you through?" Pan asked hopefully.

"Do you think you'd be able to leave?" Ella asked only half joking and Pan nodded. He hugged her tightly and brushed his lips over her forehead.

"Just remember that you promised."

"I will."

She stepped back and looked up at the dark night sky. She focused on the brightest star, the one she had fallen through all those years ago. Familiar yellow light consumed her and the ground left her feet. Blue ribbons of light branched from the gateway to mix with Ella's light. She closed her eyes as she went through this time. When she opened her eyes she was gliding down on a slide of light. This one, unlike when she had arrived in Neverland, made it all the way to the ground. She skidded to a stop in the middle of a grassy field. She stood and brushed the dirt away from her clothes.

"You just fell from the sky!" a slightly panicked voice said from behind her. Ella spun around to see a girl with rich dark skin and a mane of brown curls staring at her with wide eyes. A new image flashed in Ella's mind of this same girl smiling at some other point in time.

"Yeah." Ella said uncomfortably.

"Why are you here? Are you an alien?"

"No. I'm Ella."

"Mary. You got a place to stay?" Ella shook her head, and Mary grinned mischievously. "Come on then."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi there. I'm sorry for the wait i really am. I want to write for this and i have so many ideas but i've been struggling with getting there. You may have noticed I titled this Part 2. this is going to be a different stage for pan and ella. I don't know how well i did with the chapter but i wanted you all to understand that basically Pan and Ella are in love and that ella can't go against her visions. Also i didn't specify because i'm not 100% confident but she landed somewhere in the 1970's or 1980's. Before Baelfire is born at least. Okay? Talk to me! Comment if you have questions or anything. I'll try to get back to posting regularly.


	17. There and Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella returns three years later on her 17th birthday and the day ends unexpectedly

**Chapter 18: There and Back Again**

Tomorrow. Tomorrow would make it three years Ella has been away from home. How many years had it been since she left her house and her parents? Since she met Pan? It was over a century in her world but time was longer in Neverland. She had lived with Pan for millennia. Three short years were nothing, right? She sighed to herself. They were everything. There was not one day that Ella didn’t think of Pan, or Felix, or the rest of them. She was in agony without her family.

“Ella?” Beatrix, one of the younger girls, was dragging a stuffed elephant by its nose and rubbing her eyes. “What are you doing out there?” She examined the roof where Ella sat as if it would suddenly burst into flames.

“I’m just thinking. Go back to bed little bee.” Bee looked at her.

“Why can’t you think inside?”

“I like the fresh air. I like the night sky.” Ella looked up longingly. “I like to see home when I think about it.”

“Where’s home?” She clumsily pushed her self through the window to join Ella on the roof. Ella scooted backward and put up an arm to keep Bee steady. The girl settled next to Ella and blinked her chocolaty brown eyes from under her curtain of blonde hair.

“See that bright star up there?” Bee nodded. “That’s my door. It calls out to me sometimes, like I can hear my family on the other side. They’re waiting for me. They’ve been waiting a very long time now. But I haven’t forgotten them. I still remember all of them. I hope they still remember me too.” Her voice broke. Thinking about her boys was hard for her to do.

“Is tomorrow your birthday?”

“Where’d you hear that sweetie?” Ella leaned into the crook of her arm as she started to cough.

“Mary said it was.”

“Yes, tomorrow is my birthday.”

“What do you want for your birthday?”

“To see my family.” Bee looked at her horrified.

“You’re gonna leave us!” She wailed. Ella petted her hair and mumbled reassurances to her until she calmed down. “You can’t leave us.” Bee told her.

“I have to. I can feel it in my bones. One more year and I’ll be grown. I’ll be an adult and I’ll never be able to go back. I return on my birthday, that much I know and things came up when I turned fifteen. When I turned sixteen I found you, and you needed my help. That means I go this time. No doubt.”

“What will I do with out you?”

“Same thing you always do! Braid Mary’s hair until it’s all knotted. Go swimming with your new brother and sisters in the lake in the summer. Grow, learn, find love, find family. You have a life and a future here.”

“But only because you found me.” Bee clung to her side. Ella frowned at the memory of Bee running up to her covered and mud and lord knows what else. She had run away from her aunt and uncle who were to look after her when her parents died. They didn’t try all that hard.

This is how it had been since Ella came back from Neverland and met Mary. Mary had introduced her to Mrs. Mallon. She was an older lady with gray tinting the strawberry blonde before it. She wore time in the crevasses of her face and had the brightest green eyes. Ella thought she was the most beautiful woman she had ever met. Mrs. Mallon, aside from being very beautiful, was also quite wealthy. She had a great big mansion and before Mary and Ella it had been quite empty. Over the years they filled it with children who needed a home. Mrs. Mallon had been very lonely after her husband passed away and she welcomed each new child with open arms. Older children helped her around the house and helped mind the younger ones. Ella told them her stories and awakened as much magic and belief as she could in each child. They had made a good home.

But things had been quite these past few months. Things were going well. Her cough and fever were even letting up. Albeit not getting better but not getting worse either. Mary was going to turn eighteen in four months and she had plans to marry her fiancé Jason. They would take over care of the house. Ella’s work here was done and with her birthday approaching I was time for her to go. She looked at her watch. It was a little past eleven thirty.

“Mary and Jason will look after you love.” She took the blue potion from around her neck. “Give this to Mary for me Bee.” She took the vial with care. “Don’t forget me. Don’t let any of them forget me, even if all you do is think about me every once and awhile.” She looked at her star and gestured upwards. “Think about me when you look at the starry night sky,” She brushed a kiss on Bee’s forehead. “Think of me and I’ll always be with you.” Bee was crying. “Come now little one.” Brought them both back inside. She laid Bee back in her bed and started to sing. It was a slow sad lullaby. She sang in hushed tones as she went down the rooms and kissed her friends– her family, goodbye. Later she wouldn’t remember the words she sang. She left through the front door and walked up in the woods from the house to the lake. She was alone then. She looked at her watch. 12:00

Taking a deep breath she called out to her star like she had so many years ago. It was easier now; she had such a strong connection to Neverland now that the magic reached down to her eagerly.  The blue light that surrounded her eased something inside of her. She breathed easier than she had in the months. She was going home.

* * *

 

Pan was sitting on the shore of mermaid lagoon. It was quiet. It should have been peaceful. But when Pan was alone and it was quiet memories of her came over him. He missed her dearly and it took all of his self-control not to go after her and bring her home. She would either come home or she would break the vial. Assuming it wasn’t already broken. He looked out at the waves and tried to clear his mind. The mermaid tails that occasionally popped out over the water weren’t helping. It just made the box in his pocket grow heavier. He breathed in the cool air of the night. He was starting to relax when he felt a thump in his chest. Someone had just arrived in Neverland. He heard someone running for the beach.

“Pan! PAN!” It was Felix. He slowed to a stop having found him. There was a ridiculously wide grin on his face. Pan felt his heart skip, but he didn’t let hope overtake him just yet. Felix held his gaze and then gave a sharp nod. She was back.

Pan jumped to his feet and Felix started to run guiding him in the right direction. Around him he could hear the boys excited cries.

“Mothers home!”

“Mom’s home! Hurry up”

“Momma!”

She was standing there among the boys who were throwing themselves into her arms. She looked different–older. She was taller but not by much. There was less baby fat on her cheeks. She was more fit than she had been before. She was on the brink of adulthood Pan could feel it. That worried. Finally she looked at him.

Same eyes.

“Ella.” He breathed it out. Peter Pan believed a great many things with his whole heart, ask anyone, but just for that one moment he almost couldn’t believe she was there.

“Peter.” She smiled at him. He lurched forward and took her in his arms laughing. The boys cheered and hollered. They were happier than they had been in a long time. Some had given up hope that she would ever return. But not Pan. Never Pan.

“I knew you’d come back.”

“I promised didn’t I?” she squeezed him tighter.

“Mama, mama, mama,” Bones was tugging at her shirt trying to get her attention. “You have to meet Frog Eyes.” He said tugging another boy to her by the arm. He had bright red hair and big green eyes, many shades darker than Mrs. Mallon’s had been.

“What’s your name honey?” Ella said leaning down to meet the new boy. There were very few of those. Only five if Pan remember correctly.

“Jackson.” The boy told her with a lisp and a small smile. One of his front teeth was missing. “Are you my momma now?”

“I can be, if that’s what you’d like. Is that what you want.” He nodded eagerly smiling broadly as Ella picked him up and kissed his head. She met the other new boys and Pan watched her the whole time. He had been missing her. He felt like life in Neverland wasn’t the same without her, and he knew the other boys did too. He felt unspeakable joy and relief at having her back. She rejoined him once she’d met everyone and took his hand in hers.

“To the fire! Mother has returned!” Felix called out and all the boys cheered in return and promptly started a celebration at the bonfire. Ella didn’t let go of Peter’s hand as the boys dragged them to sit at the front at the very closest to the fire.

Boys came and left, but they didn’t really know what to do with themselves. Everyone was drunk on joy. After a while Pan gave Ella’s hand a tug and walked them away from the fire. They stood in the shadows in the jungle. Red and blue, and purple, fireflies flittered around them.

“Fireflies!” she cried catching one and then letting it go. “I remember you.” She said fondly.

“The boys make wishes every time they bloom. After the first few weeks they stopped blooming nightly. They bloom on your birthday now. Your birthday as it occurs here anyway.” Pan said letting a purple firefly thread between his fingers.

“What’s wrong?” She said putting a hand on his cheek. He smiled and pulled out a small square box.

“Happy birthday, Ella.” She hit him playfully and bit her lip to hide her smile. She was unsuccessful. Taking the box she carefully opened it. Pan heard her suck in her breath and smiled.

“The mermaids were so excited to help me make it.” She pulled out the bracelet carefully. In the center there was a gold chain that was threaded with thread of green and blue. Hanging down from the chain in small increments were little pearls in wire baskets glowing a bright blue.

“They’re called Star pearls. They look purple in the sunlight and then at night the start to glow. They grow so deep that only a mermaid could get to them, but after what you’d done with the fire flies, it seemed appropriate.” She clasped the bracelet on her right wrist and then threw her arms around Pan.

“It’s gorgeous. It’s still the second best gif I’ve gotten today.” He raised a brow at her. “Nothing comes before my family.” She said and the grin on Pan’s face was worth it. “Speaking of family, I’d like to visit him if that’s alright.” Pan knew she meant Darius and he nodded. She carefully retrieved a flower from the Dreamshade and rubbed the pollen over the skin of her hands. They got up to the falls and Ella cleared the vines from the grave.

“I missed you too. I miss you still.” She said kissing the top of his headstone and wiping away a loose tear.

“I missed everything so much.” She said thrown her arms out and spinning in a circle. It was lighter now right on the cusp of a rapidly approaching dawn.

“We missed you too.” He said taking her hand and pulling her close. The stood like that frozen. They spoke at the same time.

“Pan.”

“Ella.” Pan smirked and nodded to her to speak first.

“Pan I–” Pan watched in horror as their moment was broken and Ella eyes widened.

“Ella? Ella!” She crumpled to the ground and started to shake.

“Pan?” She asked reaching out, her eyes unfocused. He took her hand. The sun was rising now and the small crack in the mountain that held the falls was now bathed in light. Ella’s eyes slipped shut and she didn’t move.

“Ella!” He called frantically. He shook her shoulders but her eyes remained closed.

When Felix arrived later he found Pan holding Ella with tears drying on his face.

“Oh my god, is she–?”

“No. It’s like a sleeping curse. She won’t wake. Not with time and not by my magic.”

“Pan, what do we do?”

“You take care of the boys. I’m going to put her in her room. Send someone to care for her as well.”

“Where are you going?”

“To find answers. I’ve been with out her for too long. I can’t lose her again.”

With that him and Ella disappeared leaving Felix with a sense of dread growing in his stomach.

Nothing good will come of this.


	18. Let the Search Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan Begins his search for a cure to Ella's curse

**Chapter 18: Let the Search Begin**

Pan stood before the blue fairy doing his best to calm his nerves. He can’t do it though. Everything he is right now is nerves and he can’t settle himself. He won’t be able to settle himself until Ella is okay. The blue fairy and two of her assistants, a red and an orange, are fluttering around Ella.

“Well?” he asks impatiently. The blue fairy’s head whips up to meet his gaze. He shaky and spastic, all over the place really but he’s also confident he would walk through fire right now if he could just know what’s happened to Ella. So he holds her gaze steadily throwing a glare back in return.

“There’s nothing I can do for her.” She says finally and the fairy holds up a hand to stop whatever words are about to come tumbling out of Pan. He really hates the way she holds herself, everything about her radiates superiority that Neverland is meant to prevent. “The magic that is trapping her like this is flowing from the island. I can’t interrupt the flow or I could kill her.”

“What about me? I have magic with the island. Tell me what to do.” The fairy shook her head. Pan despised her pity and he despised himself even more for knowing right now he looked like a boy that _needed_ to be pitied,

“I do not know. Mixing the water of Neverland with the pixie dust…” She shakes her head sorrowfully. “It’s never been done before. I don’t know which laws apply and which do not.”

“There has to be a way.”

“I believe that as well. I just do not know it.”

“Tell me what to do.” Pan snarled at her. The fairy ran her hand through Ella’s thick hair fondly with a sad expression on her delicate face.

“I do not know.”

“You can’t help her?”

“No.”

“Then leave.” His voice is cutting and cold and final. They understand his deeper meaning: Leave and never comeback. He settles on Ella’s bed and takes one of her hands in both of his. She’s cold but she doesn’t seem to be disturbed by it in the least. She’s peaceful as if she were only sleeping. The fairies leave and Pan hangs his head.

“Felix, we have to fix this.” He says speaking to his closest lost boy.

“How? Your magic can’t fix her.”

“No, I know that I, I know.” He still half barking but with the fairies gone it frustration that has nowhere to go. “But the is _something_ to be done. The Reul Ghorm herself admits it.” Pan feels like he’s going to cry and Felix must sense this. He nods, his bright blonde hair flopping.

“Okay. Where do we start?”

“The lagoon. The mermaids know the water of this land better than most. Their healers might know something.” Felix nods again.

“Their queen lamented the loss of our mother. She will help if she can.”

“Call the others then. We’ll take her down there.” Felix left to fulfill his orders. A tear escaped past Pan’s lashes and dropped onto Ella’s waxy skin. Pan rubs it away with his thumb and takes a shuddering breath. She won’t be lost to him so easily. But to help her find her way back he’s got to be the strong one. How long has it been since he’s had to be the strong one? Since before Ella perhaps… But even then he wasn’t the strong one because there was no pair. He was merely a boy. Together they were a leader. Apart… he didn’t want to think on it.

The boys carried Ella down to the shore where the Mermaids were waiting for them. A queen and two guards, and two more women who Pan assumed were the healers. The queen’s crown was made up of sharp teeth and ocean pearls and it gleamed in the moonlight. Her black hair cascading down over it made it look more like it was part of her than it was an accessory. Her tail was silver and she was covered in a net of cascading pearls. Her eyes were big and wide and long and made so that it seemed like she was always looking down on you. Her face was angular and long. To Pan, she radiated regality in a way that was different from the blue fairy. It was a respectable kind of power. Pan dropped to one knee to speak with her.

“The fairies have gone.” She commented in way of greeting.

“They may not return.”

“The she-lander slumbers.” It wasn’t a question.

“Can you help her?”

“Bring her forward.” She gestured for her two women to more forward with a languid motion of her webbed hand through the water.

Pan ushers his boys forward with a jerk of his head. They set her on the water and the cot that she was carried on stays afloat as the two healers drag it closer to them. Her hair hangs into the water and curls happily like inky tendrils in the murk. The healers sing under their breath and their harmony rings in Pan’s ears. The magic under it brushes over his skin. One of them cradles Ella’s head and pushes until she’s submerged under the water with just her nose and mouth still above water. As they sing, Pan watches her body convulse like she’s not dreaming, but is instead trapped in nightmares and trying desperately to escape. She inhales sharply and her back arches and her eyes snap open. They focus on Pan briefly and he feels the hope flutter in his chest before she’s gone limp again. The healers let her go and return to the deep. Ella seemed to fall in slow motion and the boys surged forward running into the water to catch her. Pan reaches her first and he cradles her head and spits out water to address the queen.

“What happened? Did it work?”

The queen dipped her head backward into the water listening.

“She is just beneath the surface.” She tells him. Her voice is like an echo, like a whales song; distant and rich. “They were able to bring her forth for a moment but they are not powerful enough to keep her awake even for a short time.”

“How did they reach her?” Pan demanded.

“The water. Neverland is much more than an island, this you know better than most. She is alive and the she-lander was blessed by her power. She shouldn’t have left. The fae power keeps the land holds at bay, and should you break the curse it wouldn’t be a problem again. The land is spiteful, but like all, it loves her.”

“Neverland cursed her?”

“Yes. Like a jealous lover.”

“How do I reverse it?” The queen has a smile in her eyes that doesn’t move her lips as she says,

“Only time will tell.” The merfolk sink out of sight.

“Take her back to Home Mountain.” He feels numb because the queen has given him an idea. He’s just got to figure out where to test it.

  

* * *

 

“Pan?” Felix finds him in his room.

“Time, Felix.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I will cure her. I will and if I do it, then someone who can see the future will know how I do it.”

“Do you know someone? Who can see the future?”

“I know a little girl. A seer.”

“Where?”

“In the Enchanted Forest.”

 

* * *

 

“Hello.” The girl was standing in the middle of the dark trees. She had to have been no more than sixteen. She was dressed in black and her blonde hair was braided back. Where her eyes should have been there was only a long jagged scar. Her voice is eerie like many people speaking at once.

“Hello.” Pan said stepping forward. He wasn’t at all perturbed that she knew who he was. She was a seer after all. “What’s your name?”

“Irrelevant.”

“Do you know why I’m here?”

“You wish to save the mother of your land.”

“Yes.” He swallows tightly before asking, “Do I succeed?”

“You do.”

“How?” He stays calm and collected. He can’t get his hopes up again.

“There is a boy…”

“What boy?”

“Whose belief is stronger even than yours. Who is without magic, but resides in its very core.” She’s walking in circles around him waving her hands this way and that, like a dog sniffs the air.

“Who is he?”

“The heart of the truest believer will help you restore the one you love.”

"Ella is the truest believer."

"No longer. Her light is fading."

“This boy, then, how do I find him?”

“I cannot tell you.” Pan snarls and draws a blade pressing the seer back into a tree.

“I could kill you!”

“You will not.” Pan growls and lowers his knife shaking in anger. She’s right he will not. He turns his back on her.

“I cannot tell you. But I can show you.” Before Pan he time to react she is behind him placing her hands over his eyes. Pan inhales sharply as the images flood his mind. There were pieces of the future coming in at alarming rates but at the forefront of it all he saw a boy.

His hair was dark black and wispy, he had a round nose and a smiling happy face. He held onto the image as the seer drew back into herself and away from him.

“This boy will save her?”

“The heart of the truest believer will help you restore the one you love.” She says again with a nod.

“If you are a liar I will return.”

“I do not lie, but you will return when these words come true: Your love will wake at the dusk of the day the fire flowers bloom. I will be gone by then but my successor will be here waiting. Promise me you will be kind to her, for the rest of the world will not.”

“If you are honest, I will do as you request.”

When Pan returns home he finds a parchment and magics the image of the boy onto the page.

“Let the search begin.”


	19. Fleeting Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella wakes at dusk on her birthday

**Chapter 19: Fleeting Reunion**

For a year Ella laid in her room sleeping, as the curse demanded her to. That was the year Neverland grew. Pan was on a warpath. He knew Ella wasn’t going to get better until he found this boy. There was fear and sadness on the island. Fear from the new boys and sorrow from the old.

“He’s not so bad.” The older ones say, “He’s only so angry because he’s broken. We had a mother- have a mother. She’s been cursed. He’s just trying to heal her. Maybe the next boy will be the believer we’re looking for, and she’ll wake up. Until then, this can be your home.”

The words of the seer beat themselves into Pan’s head everyday. When the sun rose on Ella’s birthday he went to her room and sat with her the entire day. He didn’t keep track of the time because hoping for her to wake up hurt too much when she never did.

Felix came in first and wished her a happy birthday, eyes shining. He kissed her brow and left. The others flooded in sometime after that. Little ones brought her flowers and braided them into her hair, they kissed her brow and cried on her clothes and squeezed her fingers.

And then they’d leave. Because what more is there for them to do? Only Pan stayed.

Kyle came in much later than all the others. His face was red and puffy which meant he’d already been grieving and crying. He had a handful of the fire pods in his palms and Pan’s heart lurched; it must almost be night.

He handed a few of the pods to Pan and Pan took them with a gracious nod. Kyle lined up as many of the rest as would fit along his hands and said, “I wish you’d come back.” His voice broke and he started to cry when the pods broke in to dozens of blue fireflies.

“I wish you could speak to me.” Pan said. His broke up into pure white and mixed with those from Kyle’s wish.

“Ask and you shall receive.” Said a timid and familiar voice. Pan jumped to his feet involuntarily. It’d been far too long since he’d heard her voice. Looking down he could hardly believe that she was really there, with flowers in her hair and a small phantom smile on he lips. 

“MOM!” Kyle shouted, and he threw his arms around her.

“Oh my dear boy.” Her voice was hoarse from disuse.

“Ella?” Pan feared this would be a dream and she would be still again if he took his eyes a way for even a moment.

“Peter.” She sighed happily and reached out to him. He broke and the tears came flooding through. “Peter, what happened? How long have I been sleeping?”

“You’ve been cursed, you’ve been still and sleeping for a year.”

“Cursed by who?” Peter takes one of her hands in both of his.

“Cursed by the Island.” He rests their fingers against his lips and cries. “This is all my fault Ella.”

“Kyle, can you go find Felix? Tell him and no one else that I’m awake.” Kyle nods and scampers off.

“My dear Pan, look at me.” He takes a few halting breaths and then complies. “This is not your fault.”

“I brought you here.”

“ _I_ brought me here. I was a girl who liked to jump head first into adventure. _You_ are the boy who taught me how to fly.”

“I will save you.”

“Of this I haven’t a doubt in the world.” She squeezes his hand. A few moments later Felix comes sliding into the room.

“Mom! Ella! Your awake.” Ella makes a sound of confirmation in the back of her throat.

“Not for long I fear. But come I’ve missed you even though I can’t feel the time passing. Come! Come give me a hug.” He did and she patiently wipes away his tears.

“Have you been taking care of my Pan?”

“Yes, mother.”

“Good boy. You’ll have to guard his heart while I sleep.”

“Yes, mother.” This time his voice quavers.

“Look at me,” He does. “I’m not dead, Peter is going to save me. I’ll back for you someday, this I swear without qualms.” To Pan she says, “How long until it takes me again?”

“I don’t know. The seer only said you would awake at dusk.”

“Let them see me.”

“There are new boys!” Felix pipes in. “She’ll want to meet them.”

“Yes let me. Please.” She squeezes his hands again.

“Okay.” Pan gets out of his too tight throat. Felix leave to gather the boys.

“Lay with me?” Ella asks delicately pulling on his arms. He smiles and slides into the bed arranging them so he can hold her and they are both still sitting up. The boys came in a chaotic blur of tears on smiling faces. There were a lot of new boys for Ella to meet and there were many who she already knew.

It lasted the night and by the time most of the boys had left her in peace Ella grabbed tight to his forearms.

“Pan! It’s happening again.”

“Ella, look at me.” He jumped out from behind her and lowered her to be lying on the bed. Her eyes caught his and they were wide and frantic. “I will save you.” He promised fiercely. Her eyes when soft and the outline of a smile hit her lips.

“I know.” She fell back into the darkness of her sleep.

* * *

 

“I knew you would come.” The girl says when he returns to the clearing in the enchanted forest where he had first met the seer. The girl before him was still a seer but she was not the same one. She was smaller and her long red hair dragged on the ground. She wore a tattered blue dress and she looked terrified.

“The other girl, I never got a name, gave me a prophecy and told me to come back when it came true.”

“When you become this, there is no longer a name for you to claim.”

“Fair enough.”

“Why have you come?”

“She woke on her birthday, just as predicted by your predecessor. I need to find this boy.” Pan shakes the paper where he’s captured the boy’s image.

“The truest believer is born of magic, but lives in a world where it doesn’t exist.”

“What world is this?”

“Ella’s.”

“But Ella had magic I’ve never even­–“

“Before you chose her, Neverland did as well. Your fates are intertwined to its magic. In the realm without magic the heart of the truest believer is born.”

“Thank you.” He turns to go.

“Peter,” The way she says his name makes him want to curl his lips. “If you truly value what we’ve done for you, you can repay the debt.”

“How?”

“In three years of this worlds time, I will be taken. It has to happen or the future will be greatly disturbed. You can save me then when I leave this military camp.” She hands him a map and his takes it with a small frown.

“I will come.” He goes to leave again and again she calls out to him.

“Peter,” She grabs his arm. It’s a gentle grip because she can only grab with her fingers if she wants to protect her eyes. “Do not lose faith for her. It will be a long wait, one that you will find worth it. The worst thing for you to do is lose faith.”

“I will never give up on her.”

“The light of your soul does not sleep with her.”

“Thank you for your wisdom.” Peter says curtly vanishing with out another word. If only he could escape her dire words with a snap of his fingers as well.


	20. Light Fading

Chapter 20: Light Fading

Peter Pan does save the seer of the enchanted forest. When he sets her free he asks her why she chose to remain imprisoned for so long. She said only that it was to preserve the future they both wished to pass.

“Remember to guard your light Peter Pan.” She’d said before walking into the woods and leaving Pan to stare after her. He supposes if he knew too much of the future, he would speak vaguely as well.

The third year Ella wakes she and Pan are alone. He’s sitting turned away from her bed and Ella almost doesn’t recognize him. Not because he really looks different. His face is the same his clothes are the same, but behind the eyes he’s not. He looks hardened and cold and it’s breaking her heart.

“Pan.” Her voice quavers and she watches the darkness on Peter grow distant and he takes his place by her side holding her hand.

“What has happened?”

“What makes you think–?”

“Peter Pan you will not lie to me.” She proclaimed profusely. “You will not keep things from me.” Pan swallows thickly and looks down. The darkness that was clouding him slips back into place. She grips his hand and feels like she’s going to cry.

“Not from me, Pan.” She chokes out. “Don’t hide from me too.”

“I’m sorry Ella. So sorry.” He leans his head against hers and she feels the wetness of his tears on the side of her face.”

“What’s happened?”

“Something’s wrong with me.”

“Tell me.”

“I’ve… hurt people.”

“So have I.” Images of sand monsters and fleeing men flash through her mind. Of Lazarus and Reagan and Luther and all of their men that she crushed the life out of.

“Not like that. No reason at all. I’ve become a trickster. I’m not like I was before.”

“You simply do not have someone to keep your darkness at bay. That was my job. How had you ever gotten along without me my love?” She want’s her words to be light but they are much too serious.

“You can’t protect me from myself while I’m saving you. While you sleep.” She looks down and her eyes catch on something on the floor.

“You’ll have to do it on your own then.”

“How?”

“There’s more than one person inside us all Pan, you’ve just got to learn to separate the good and the bad. And be not mistaken; even the purest person has a degree of darkness within them.” She reaches over the bed as she speaks. Pan watches in confusion as her hands reach out to nothing and then it hits him; the sensation tearing through his gut and the realization: She’s touching his shadow. He feels the anger leaving him, as if its sweating from his skin and rolling down his limbs until he feels like he can breathe easier than he has since Ella was cursed. It’s not gone entirely, its just pushed to the back of his mind.  He reaches out with his consciousness though it was like the darkness was waiting. The anguish washed over him again and Pan struggled to push it back. When it was finally back on the other side of the wall he looks down at his feet and his shadow is standing next to him. He’s made of smoke but he’s got bright red eyes like glowing orbs. He stares until Ella’s moan brings him out of his revere.

She pale more so than usual and visibly clammy. She’s shuddering and shaking and Pan barely catches her before she falls of the bed.

“Ella.” He tries to convey his gratitude, his loss, his misery, his love, but she merely smiles her same weak smile and touches his cheek.

“He can do now what you cannot. One day you can be set at peace with him but he will be cruel where your heart cannot.”

“Ella you shouldn’t have–”

“Just be sure to guard you’re heart.” She places her tiny palm on his chest. “Guard it as I would. I love you for trying to save me Pan, but make sure you save yourself too when it’s necessary.” _Do not lose your light Peter Pan._ She starts to cough roughly and eventually she passes out from the effort. She doesn’t awake again for another year.

Sometimes Ella wakes up to only Pan there and she can’t get him to say anything at all. One year she wakes up and he’s not there at all. Only Felix now comes to visit her, and he tells her of all the awful things that Pan does to find this boy; The boy with the heart of the truest believer.

“He’s merged back with his shadow. His goodness is buried in grief” Felix’s eyes are shinning. “You are not even dead!” He growls.

“He doesn’t even remember what he’s fighting for.” She says. She looks worse every year now, her eyes are sunken and her skin is taught. Felix fears one year she will not wake at all. He wonders how much of her deterioration is due to the strain against the curse and how much is the weight of all that Pan has become in her absence.

“I do no think that is true. But he has been driven into a craze. He loves you too much to live a good life alone now.”

“And yet here he leaves me.”

“Mother…” Felix looks resigned; he knows there’s nothing he can do.

“Don’t my boy. It’s no fault of your own.” He breathing hitches and she gasps a little regaining her air

“Mother you’re dying.”

“Fighting this makes me so ill. I’m not sure how much longer I can take it.”

“What can I do?” He asks. His face is stoic and blank and Ella knows she could say anything to him right now and he would obey. She loves him so much.

“I want to meet the new boys. Gather them and bring them to me. I’ll meet them and then you must take me down to the lagoon before the spell reclaims me.”

“What are we doing at the lagoon?” Felix asks already on his feet.

“We are going to ask the Queen Salacia to stop my awakenings.”

“Mother!”

“I feel as if I’m going to die. Perhaps if we don’t do this I will.” She meets his gaze and sees him swallow his pain thickly. “Go now my boy. Let me meet them first.”

He leaves and comes back with the boys. Ella smiles and hugs each one taking in their name both of the island and before. She caresses every face.

“Felix we have to hurry.” Ella gasps kissing a red headed boy in the head and sliding him out of her bed.

“Liam, go get the twins.” A lanky boy with dark hair shoots out of the room. “The rest of you go and hide together. Not a word to Pan. Go!” The little boys run out of the room, some with final kisses to Ella; With reverent glances toward their would be mother.

The twins hustle into the room and Ella can already feel herself fading but Felix is there for her. “We need to get her down to the lagoon, hurry. Trick is already down there, the Queen will meet us.” One of the twins gathered her up in his arms. Half way to the beach she was switched off to the other. The world around her is hazy, but she still startles when the cold water pierces her skin. She hears splashes as the boys dive into the water to carry her out to meet the Queen Salacia. She sees Trick and extends a shaky arm towards him. He takes it. She thinks maybe he’s crying. He kisses her hand. He’s knee deep in water and wet all over but Ella thinks he might be crying. The twins are keeping her legs steady and Felix is by her head.

“We’re almost there. Just hang on.” She tries to nod but it’s a fruitless venture.

She looks at Felix when they finally stop swimming forward. She feels delicate fingers steady her head and looks up into the face of Queen Salacia herself. She speaks directly into Ella’s mind.

**_Hello friend._ **

_Salacia…_

“Ella?” Felix prompts. Many, even those here on Neverland, are unfamiliar with the manor in which mermaids prefer speak.

**_I wish Pan had not kept you hidden away in that cave. You’ve grown so very weak. Death rests like a second coat on you’re skin._ **

_He will be furious if you help me._

**_Nothing compared to your actual death._ **

“It’s okay.” She says to Felix. She pulls his head down to kiss him on his forehead. He is crying, she can see that with certainty as he rests his head on hers.

_Will he attack you?_

**_Ancient though he is, he is still a child in my eyes. If he attacks we will remind him of his humility._ **

_Thank you my friend. Goodbye for now_

“Goodbye for now, my son.” Salacia’s voice echoes as she sings both into Ella’s mind and out loud. The water around her glows faintly yellow as the magic furrows into her.

_But not forever._

“But not forever.”

“Felix he’s coming!” Ella’s world fades to black.

* * *

 “Felix!”

“I heard you Trick.” He yells.

“It is done.” Salacia says. She swipes a thumb across Ella’s head and then releases her to Felix and sinks down into the water. The other three boys quickly converge on Ella and drag her through the water back to shore. One of the twin’s yells and Pan plucks him out of the water and throws him over his shoulder.

“What have you done?!” Pan yells.

“Run!” Felix tells the other three. “Just run!”

“What have you done?” Pan screams stepping up to Felix.

“What _she_ asked of me. Can’t you see she was dying?” Felix screamed.

“You had no right!”

“Of course you couldn’t see, you never speak to her anymore.” Pan smacks Felix across the face and for a moment there is silence. Felix touched his nose and his fingers come away bloody. Even though they are the only two on the beach Felix can practically feel the weight of a hundred small eyes watching from the tree line.

“Felix­–” Pan says his voice full of remorse.

“She would be ashamed of what you’ve become.”

“I’m trying to save her.”

“Do you even remember who she is?”

“Felix–”

“We will save her. Maybe we’ll save you too. But you cannot just treat us like this. Will this island be darkened to the point of no return because of you? Would you disrespect her so?”

Pan raises his hand to strike again. Felix recoils minutely before raising his head in defiance. Pan is shaking. He flinches when Pan sets his hand on his cheek but he feels the pain in he face recede as the damage mends.

“I’m so sorry.” Pan says. Felix’s eyes snap up to meet his. Pan is crying. They sink down to the sand and Felix throws an arm over his friend’s shoulder and cries with him. The other boys move forward and circle around them, all of them silently acknowledging the pain they often keep buried away; all of them gathered in honor of Ella. Pan just keeps saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

For the first time in a long time, Felix believes him. The Pan that once was is still there beneath the layers of darkness. Felix will help Pan save Ella, and then he will help Ella save Pan.

 _This I promise you mother_ , he thinks looking at her still body. _I promise_.


End file.
